project time

So this week was a dream come true and really the challenge of last week applies to this week as well cuz thanks to the pilgrims that came over on the mayflower and shared food with the indians we had this whole week (starting Tuesday) off that means from Monday and on there has been no marta, no paring no chem lab no bio classes..nothing! which is totally awesome but that also means that i didn't have to go to work this morn hence the late hour of the post i went to check out the black Friday deals at target - nothing major..and now here i sit in my kitchen coffee in hand as i try to muster up something to say..

well the truth is that i did something very exciting this week. besides studying which i have to do cuz i have a test on mon..i painted my room. now this paiting job is long overdue and i about to make a confession. i was once upon a time obssesed and i mean obssesed with " A walk to remember" and loved the quote taht was said at the wedding so i had it on my wall, painted on mural style..anyways i recently discivered that this particular favorite passage of mine is actually from teh new testament..now i cudnt have that in my room so i decided that i wud have to cover it up..but every weekend i wanted to donate to the project ended up being donatd to studying for orgo chem..so i resolved taht during thanksgiving week i would get teh deed done..and true to my word mon night i cleaned out my room and tues day i went and got my six year old paint shaken ( i didnt knw u had to do taht) and my primer as well got a paint brush put out the old sheet , put on some old clothes blasted the music and off i was..three coats . primer two coats of paint later i was done..almost. i cudnt go from having this awesome thiing to a blank wall so i decided to do circles..lots of them big ,small ,white, blue, some filled in,some empty.. and then i put a huge poster that i love in the middle of it all! so now my room is done as is my story..so now its time for tachlis..any help anyone?

so to me this looks like a classic case of "tzur may ra ve'aseh tov" i had this thing on my wall which at the time i didnt think was a bad thing when it went up (11th grade) it was actually a point of pride in my life..whenevr people came to my room they'd be like "wow! tahst so cool!" anjd then as i came back from sem i thought maybe it wasnt the best idea in the world but when i found out where the qoute was really from taht was the final straw! this thing had to go but it wasnt enough to just cover it up..cuz then whenever i looked at the wall id think abt what used to be there and how i missed it which is totally missing the point! when we do teshuva for an action we dont look back and think abt how much we miss it and how much fun it was..no! we move forward! we look ahead to teh future bcz we are now new people and have nothing to do with taht past action that is no longer me..

but as people we naturally seek fulfillment thats why we try to keep ourselves busy..a bored girl is an unhappy girl. as much as it may seem to be a dream to be in bed all day we know taht we wud nevr cuz ud just get too bored..we want to be doing..

so when we stop doing something shud it be watching movies, listening to non-shwekey music, whatver that creates a void, an empty space..and if we dont fill that void fast then we are in very big danger of falling back to the exact place we vowed we'd never go again..thats why the tzur may ra is important but equally is the asseh tov... we cant have this void of space, time that is just begging to be filled and since man is a creature of habit if we dont have something to replace the old with then we just go back to where we were bcz its familiar it comfortable adn its very easy..

another thing taht i remembered was that it took quite an effort to cover up the quote..u cannot just go over the dark blue with light blue that doenst work i mean it will eventually but u need yo do like twenty coats and a- i dont have that much paint b- i didnt have the time or patience. so there is this thing called primer, it makes the wall white, which is much easier to paint over now mind u it took three coats almost of primer to make it white and there was still the trace of the letters showing..but after the paint was put up ud never know that once upon atime under all that paint once lay..

so we all have our things taht we want to cover up, forget ever happened and move on, put on a new face and leave it in the past. but we must have a good layer of primer, a good foundation. BH we all have been eduacted and have a good foundation of emunah and we know what is true adn what is false, we have the primer set so thats what makes it possible to do teshuva and move on from the past, in a way teh teshuva is teh primer. it gives us the ability to re-paint our lives to make it exactly what we want. without the teshuva, the primer, no matter how many mitzvos we do, how many chassadim the old averiros never really go away..the lining will still show thru..

so we must prime ourselves, have the foundation of emuna, do the teshuva required and then and only then will we be able to be the truly beautiful people we know we can be!

happy painting