Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Just Lovely

it is absolutely beautiful! the sun has come out and so should those funky shades!

days like this, make you happy to be alive, make you want to feel the grass between your toes ( if you could actually find any grass in this city) makes you want to do everything outside. I actually don't mind studying if i can do it outside with the sun shining, loading up on the vitamin D!

Chodesh Tov! Thank you to the Creator of the World for this wonderful present. Pesach is definitely in the air! I plan on enjoying this gorgeous day! Maybe even go to juggling at Bryant park..who knows what the day holds :)

Sunday, March 23, 2014

....nothing too original

another week come and gone, time passing like the wind, so fast and as much as you would like to, you cant seem to grab a hold of it.

A few of my friends recently turned 26, and i am not far behind. Its an interesting position to be in. Being a quarter of a century old. I remember being 19-20 talking about those girls..those older singles..the 24-25 years old. Now that's me.

The statistics on the ever tragic shidduch crisis is that 10% of girls don't get married. Yet, somehow everyone thinks that it wont be her. G-d forbid they should even entertain the idea. But you know what, it is possible, and its not all that crazy that I or someone I know never gets married. We all know that woman in our own community, shes bright, beautiful, interesting and yet shes 45 and not married. Its too easy to say that she is being picky and that at this point its her own fault.

But you know what, I don't even know how the time passed, how is it that this is my third year living in NY? How is it that high school was 8! EIGHT years ago?! I remember when i turned 18 and a friend told me that I was halfway to 36, now I'm halfway to 50!

I'm not sure what the point of this ramble is, except for that remember to enjoy life, find small things that make you happy, and don't get bogged down with today because you know what, tomorrow will be here faster than you know.

I think that we get so focused on this one goal of being married, of being this person that our communities expect us to be, that we forget that you know what life is awesome. We have life! We can go out and do things that we enjoy. We can take this time to cultivate our own interests and deepen ourselves in a way that would never be possible other wise.

Buy flowers for Shabbat even if its just you. Walk instead of taking the bus and enjoy the rare days of sunshine that we get.

I'm so sick of every conversation I ever have with every tom dick and Harriet is about dating, and what am i looking for, and who should i meet and what I'm doing wrong. Or about how messed up dating is these days and how can we fix the crisis, how its a mans world , how we just cant win...I'm just done discussing it to dearth!

I want to live today! I want to just be and enjoy the blessings Gd has given me

Monday, March 17, 2014

Changing it up

So life has been a little crazy as if late. School is stress that just won't go away..it gives me precious little time to post. It's not like I don't have inspirational thoughts just don't have the time to flesh them out into full blown posts so for now..I'm gonna test something out...something I've held out on for a long time..I decided to switch it up and see if using twitter would work better.

So if you feel inclined you can follow me at @aminspiration1.

I'm still figuring the whole twitter thing out.. ( I know I sound so old)

Hope to see you there

Sunday, February 2, 2014

The Friendship Platform

So recently I read this book 
and it inspired me. 

I'm sure some of you have realized that I have been going through a bit of a rough patch recently. Some have even reached and and I greatly appreciate it that. 

A lot of my "sadness" for lack of better word stems from loneliness. A lack of friendship. Lack of relationship. Lack of connection. 

It is not good for man to be alone. Yes I am aware that this refers to ones marital state. No, I am not worried that I am not. Yes, I may be getting old, but that's a diff story. 

Moving on. 
In this book, the protagonist is a woman who find herself moving away from all her friends and loved ones to be with her husband. She finds herself for the first time in her life without a BFF. No one to call for a last minute mani-pedi, No one to gossip with or share her frustrations. She misses her old friends and tries to keep in touch but its just not the same. Anyone with a long-distance friend knows..you miss the birthdays, the sad days, the triumphs..you can share it via phone but its just not the same. 

anyways, so she decided that she is going to take matters into her own hands and decides that she will be going on 52 "girl dates" for a year. one a week in hopes of finding a new BFF. She goes through all kinds of means of finding a new friend. It really is fascinating.
 She starts a blog
  takes out an ad in the local paper
joins a cooking class
joins an improv class
hires a friend-broker
rent-a friend
speed-friend-dating..
among others

When i read this book, i was inspired yet frustrated at the same time. Being frum really limits your friend pool. I would love to join a cooking class, but where will i find a kosher one? 
take out an ad? talk about bad for shidduchim
speed-friend dating?  have you seen anything like this in the frum world?
someone suggested going to a shiur- but alas those usually occur at night and I'm in class :( 

so i was trying to brainstorm a way to do this. 
A way to find local friends to just hang out with. It doesn't necessarily have to be my new BFF, but just a circle of friends. People to spend shabbat with, people to hang out with Sat night or Sunday night. 

Yes, I know this sounds a little desperate. however, like the author of the book, feel like I'm probably not the only one. As we get older, and our friends join the marrieds ...or if you are like me and moved to NY later on and don't really yet have a circle of friends here..whatever it is I'm willing to bet that I am not the only one in this situation. You can tell me if you know otherwise. 

All that being said..i hereby am asking the blogger community at large for help. for ideas. 
what do you think i should do? What have you done in the past?
I am opening myself up. 
You wont know if you don't ask...
so I'm asking. 

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Ever feel...

Like your completely superfluous...
Like you  everything say is wrong
Every step wrong
Everything just WRONG

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

A Cleaner Tomorrow

I feel compelled to follow up the last uber depressing post with a more positive one.

Princess Lea just wrote about the importance of delayed gratification. Self Control. Words that seem so foreign to too many people these days. One of the reasons anorexics go to such extreme measures of dieting, is that they feel like they have lost all control of their lives and food, well that is one thing that is under their control. That sense of control, that degree of discipline is empowering. Being a dictator just yourself, is still power.

I have harnessed this power. No, I am not anorexic. My friend is getting married in March, and I am dieting and exercising. I have been complaining for too long that my coat doesnt fit without doing anything about it. Its invigorating. I am in control. Not my sweet tooth, not the late night munchies..I made a decision to eat healthy and well and I am sticking to it.

I am slowly, cleaning my apartment, really deep cleaning and its cathartic. I think that i may have missed my calling as a cleaning lady. There is something purifying about scrubbing till my arm hurts, till the wood gleams, the sink glistens, and the apartment smells lemony fresh.

Linens changed, laundry washed, towels folded and put away.

Its a sense of renewal. A sense of a clean start. A clean organized home hopefully means a organized and clean mind.

heres to the road of recovery and taking back control of my life...as much as i can anyways..because at the end of the day...its His world,were just visiting.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

tonight

so basically it comes down to this,

i dont have anyone to talk to..and i really need to get this out.

A family I am close to has a son you could call " at risk." I hate labels but just so you know what Im talking about. The parents..have no clue what they are doing and are making text-book classic WRONG moves. They seem to be intent on completely pushing the kid off. Issuing ultimatums. Telling him they wouldn't care if he died. Kicking him out of the house. Yelling. Screaming. The works.

The sisters reached out to me and i told them how important it is to love him, and be warm to him. To let him know that he is wanted and that they are there for him unconditionally. I mentioned in passing something you learn in Psyche 101- you can never force anyone to change..people will change when they want to. You can change yourself but that is about it.

Anywhose..the crazed dad called me yelling at me that i am in no position to tell his kids anything...especially such silly things like " you cant force people to change.."

I broke down in tears. It makes me tremble to think that there are kids, and i know he isn't the only one, kids whose parents are so clueless. Parents who undoubtedly love their children but have no idea how to reach out to them, how to negotiate with them. So many kids on the streets, so many kids feeling unwanted, unloved, un-cared for, just because the parents are too dumb to know better. Because the parents put unrealistic expectations on them. Because parents are ashamed at what people think. They are more concerned about what the butcher thinks than their relationship with their children.

I've been through some difficult things. A few people have told me they are concerned that i might be depressed. Truth be told, i might be. We all have our moments. Yes i have been crying more than usual. But if there is one thing that i have never doubted is that my parents love me no matter what and that their home is always open to me. I am so blessed to have such a loving family.

What saddens me the most is that this isn't true for every child. This isn't a given for every " at risk" teen. Sure i was never " at risk" but i definitely did things that my parents didn't agree with But i always knew that everything came from a place a love.

I am crying tonight for this boy, and his family. Please, if you have time, say a little tehilim, for all those lost boys and girls who have no where to turn and no where to go tonight.

May Hashem always watch over you and protect you.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Simplicity

How do you make water boil faster?

Use less water.

Simple enough. My friend and I had a dinner date a few months ago, and we decided to make pasta. While we were waiting for the water to boil, we were discussing different methods that may make the water boil faster. Then she said the above idea.." i know, use less water." At the time i laughed, it is so clearly obvious. Of Course! if you use less water, then it will boil faster. But for some reason it stuck with me.

Every morning when I fill up the kettle, i think . how do you make water boil faster, use less water. So I
have been using less water, getting my coffee faster. :) always a good thing.

It struck me this morning how the most meaningful, deep concepts are generally pretty simple. When I was in seminary, we learned day in and out. I learned so much. How much did I retain? Not much probably. But the things that I do remember, the lessons that I still think about and apply to my life as much as possible..those are the ones that were said as an aside. There was not a great deep philosophical discussion about them. Yet, those are the ones that remain etched in my mind 7 years later.

In English class, we learn never use a big word when a smaller one will do. Simple and elegant.
When we try to overcompensate, we make things messy. We make things difficult for ourselves and the ones around us. We are generally simple. We are all basically the same. When we over clutter and unnecessarily complicate- that is when things get difficult.

One of the best feelings in the world when you clean out your closet. You throw out/donate the clothes and shoes you don't wear anymore. You clean out the fridge. You de-clutter. You feel better. Its the feeling of having simplicity reign. If we could only truly declutter our minds and our lives..how much happier we'd be?!

Clearly, it is difficult to do so. But perhaps start with one area. Maybe start with the closet, then the fridge, then a relationship.

Enjoy the simple elegance.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Being an Adult



"So we talked all night about the rest of our lives
where we're gonna be when we turn 25" 

Did i ever think that this is where I would be when I turned 25? Single-probably i was always very cynical about getting married and never thought i would get engaged at 19..but c'mon..remember those older singles..that's me now! As for career wise..did i think I would be repeating PA school? 

It actually just occurred to me that it is almost 2014..i was supposed to graduate and be an official practicing Physician's Assistant come 2014. and that thought made me a little sad. Alas, here I am sitting in first semester classes, trying not to be too bored. 

But as quick as that thought came I also realized..that no- i was not supposed to graduate in 2014..i may have thought that i was supposed to graduate in 2014..but the proof is in the pudding. If i was supposed to be graduating I would be.. Gd clearly has other plans for me. 

But back to being an adult..being an adult means taking responsibility. Responsibility for your decisions  for your life, for your happiness, for your actions..be an adult. Face the world as an adult. As a mature, responsible adult. 

Unfortunately, that point seems to be lost on most of people. Myself included at times. I have spent too long looking to others for my own personal happiness and that is simply unacceptable. If one's happiness is dependent on anything outside of oneself..then you are putting yourself at the mercy of things that you have no control over whatsoever. That is just plain..dumb frankly. 

Being an adult, means taking charge of your life. Making decisions that make you who YOU want to be. Decisions that make YOU happy. No one can make you happy, but you. 

And that is the one lesson, that has taken me about 25 years to learn, and I am glad that I have.