hakuna matata

so this has been an interesting week, it felt like friday on monday, super oily hair on wedneday..one day of chol hamoed adn bam its actually friday this time around..if ur week has been anythink like mine uve been renning around, exhausted four cups later and then before u know its time to eat again..time really flies and its really hard to keep track of it unless we are conscious of it. it seems that pesach is one of those times that peopel stop ad reflect on the year..its a monumental time and always has memories attached so its not a suprise that we stop and think..where was i last year? what was i doing this time a year ago? who was i with? my oh my have things changed..well that last line was my observation and i cannot speak for everyone but i think that its probably a pretty universal statemnt..

i was discussing this with someoen actually on erev tom tov about how when i came back from seminary teh word on the street was that i had gotten "brainwashed" now personally i find offence with the statement with teh connotations, the insinutaions and all that it entails..no i wasnt brain washed no i was not a completely different person than wehn i left a year a go..but maybe i had changed somethings..and persionaly i find taht to be a good thing..as peopel we are constantly moving and changing, life is not stagnant thats what i wud call a domem- a rock, a chair- they dont change yet as i say that i realized that yes they do, chairs get older  they fade, rocks weather getting smoother as time passes..so what do peopel expect that i go away for a year to a completely different couinrty exposed to a completelly new genre of people (i.e., new yorkers..lol) do my own laundry for the first time and then what..come back the same person? thast an insult to me as a person, who strives to grow, to be a better person and even if i was a rock, after a year i wud not look the same..

but the point of this is not to rant and rave ( tho i have been knwon to do that!) this leads me to the second conversation i had with a friend about something similar..we were saying how its funny who u end up being freinds with..how old friendships change amd how things in general change. and we came to the conclusion that we must expect to change, for our interests change, our availibility to talk changes, our priorities change (degree vs. husband vs friends vs parent vs job) and so many other factors. sometimes we look back at our past relationships and lament the fact that they aer no longer the same.. i dont talk to that freind as much as i used to..i dont even know what shes doing tehse days... how did i even become friends with her, we never talked in sem..and we may grow nostalgic of the old days..yes its fun yes its nice to remember the past, but in the wise words of lion king " hakuna matata" we must move on , we are dynamic beings always chganging moving never stagnant (hopefully!)

its unrealistic to expect taht things are goin to stay teh same way forever, cuz ur not gonna be the same person u were a year ago and neither is wht ur doing or who ur doing it with (though it seems like some things never change) and though we may logically understant this its very hard to stomache it when it happens, like when ur best friend gets married we all know its not gonna be the same yet somehow deep down we hope and pray taht it will though we know that its not possible, when people move away, when u move away, when u decide to upgrade spiritually things may not be the same as they were once with that old friend. i had a friend who evey motzai shabbat we watches a movie together thats how we hung out,  thast what we did, then when i finally dceided to give it up once and for all. she was all annoyed "what are we gonan do know?" and its been a while and we find things to do (we even watched a shiur one sleep over) but she still gruimbles about it in a joking way..and its ok cuz its not teh same biut weve moved on and were developing a deeper friendship now taht all our time togtehr isnt watching a shtus box..

so i think u get what im saying..were constantly learning in a bio that we are dynamic, ur body is constantly trying to keep u at homoestasis at all times it never gets there and stops, hormones are starting and stopping the release of calcium, energy, insulin..ecetera ecetera ecetera..we too our doing our best to keep our lives balanced attemptin to sorround ourselves with people taht inspire us to be better, whiel at the same time knwoing taht its our responsibility to inspire others, we want to learn and at teh same time teach, we give respect adn need some in return. we give of ourselves and need others to give to us (as much as we like to me indepedant) so all these  factors plus billions more play apart of our lives and make for different relationships, at times when ur stable in terms of being at teh recepient part of the relationship u are better equiopped to be the giver so that may mean spending time with one person while u may be in need for some TLC which means a completely different dynamic, so we expand our group of people we know as we get older yet the group of our confidantes grow tighter and tighter it seems as we get older and busier. think back to when u were 12, how many "best friends" did u have then? and now we dont even have best freinds we have a small group of people we call "close friends" cuz these friendships are deeper more meaningful than u can even try to explain to a 12 yr old girl..

so we move on we grow and change, expect it, and realize what it means, take every day as it comes, smile as u think of the past but remember that it just that, the past and not the present or the future. the future is up to you to make the best that u can and today is an even better opportunity to take grasp of reality and go with it..dont live in the past!