What is your default?
Humans are creatures of habit, (animals may be too in fact they probably are but lets stick with humans for now shall we?)We like to park in the same spot. In class we pick the same seat over and over again. We tend to hang with the same friends we've been hanging with forever doing the same thing. We tend to get the same haircuts, and even put a song on repeat at times that is how badly we abhor change (at times.) It is a basic law of physics that an object will go in the direction it is pushed until something deliberately gives it another course to follow...
it takes a great act of courage to make change. you know that initial freak out when the girl with hair to her toes gets a pixie cut? " OMG! i cant believe u did that? how did u cut it all off? Weren't you scared?" etc etc. Imagine the trepidation when i, avid kick boxer attended my first yoga class (trepidation-cynicism-same thing). When the punk-rocker goes for collared shirt and pencil skirt.The alcoholic going into his first AA meeting. When the 500 lb man gets on the treadmill for the first time. When the prim-librarian goes for that second piercing..anything that puts us out of our comfort zone is down right freaky. It scares the living day lights out of us. We push it off for as long as possible, for we do not know what it is going to be like.
Are we going to fail? Will we be good at this? Is this a change that i want to make? Will i be able to recognize myself at the end of this? Am I that person? Who do i think I am doing this? Who am i fooling?
Our habits are hard to change. Habits don't only refer to biting your nails in an anxious moment. Habit doesn't only mean not putting the seat down when ur done. It extends beyond making your bed and eating healthy. It includes how we treat people. How we talk to the cashier.Who we turn to in a time of need. How we deal with life's numerous difficult moments.
Habits are ur default option. When we go into automatic pilot without thinking and actively deciding we regress to default, which can be a scary thought. Do i like my default? Am i even aware of all the settings in default? What are the settings set to? But even default settings can be changed, saved and applied. But it does not happen on its own. We must choose to change.
But we are scared. We like comfortable. We like the known. I just got a new mattress. I should have been excited, but my first thought when i saw it was-but i like my old mattress, why fix what ain't broke (never mind there was a deep groove in the bed from my body-but that's besides the point) i was so hesitant to try a new, definitely better mattress simply because i was comfortable with my old mattress and didn't have the desire to even see if the new one was as good if not better..
so we might be brave and make a change in a midda, an action we know probably isn't the most kosher ( it is elul after all) and we commit to the change, telling our self that this time i will be the person that i have always dreamt of ..but after two weeks -it happens. We start to lose faith in ourselves. Who was i kidding? I'm not that holy...what i was doing isn't so bad...and unless there is either really great support system to get you back on track or you are just really really strong then the will wanes away and your back to square one if not square zero.
there are a few options, and if you have other suggestions..please speak up.
1-take the suggestion of gedolim everywhere-take on a change that is feasible, that is easy, something that you can comfortably fit it to your self image. Something that does not make you run for the hills at the thought.
2- have a support system. Peer pressure can be a wonderful thing. Pick someone whose opinion you respect who will make sure you stay on track. Tell him/her what it is that you have taken on, and make sure that you are responsible to report that days track record to them. If you know you have to report to someone you are less likely to embarrass yourself and mess up in a moment of weakness.
3- this one i think is the hardest. Believe that you are that great! Know that the potential for kedusha that is in you in unfathomable. You have been born to greatness and you can achieve greatness but only if you seek that greatness. This does not give anyone a licence to be haughty. Rather, it shud be humbling as Moshe Rabeinu knew. He knew he had greatness but that meant he had a huge mission to fulfill. We have the power to change worlds with our actions. Yes, that is scary but it can be empowering as well.
so make a change in your default setting. you do it all the time on your phone, computer and all other technological wonders, is it not time to upgrade your soul?
it takes a great act of courage to make change. you know that initial freak out when the girl with hair to her toes gets a pixie cut? " OMG! i cant believe u did that? how did u cut it all off? Weren't you scared?" etc etc. Imagine the trepidation when i, avid kick boxer attended my first yoga class (trepidation-cynicism-same thing). When the punk-rocker goes for collared shirt and pencil skirt.The alcoholic going into his first AA meeting. When the 500 lb man gets on the treadmill for the first time. When the prim-librarian goes for that second piercing..anything that puts us out of our comfort zone is down right freaky. It scares the living day lights out of us. We push it off for as long as possible, for we do not know what it is going to be like.
Are we going to fail? Will we be good at this? Is this a change that i want to make? Will i be able to recognize myself at the end of this? Am I that person? Who do i think I am doing this? Who am i fooling?
Our habits are hard to change. Habits don't only refer to biting your nails in an anxious moment. Habit doesn't only mean not putting the seat down when ur done. It extends beyond making your bed and eating healthy. It includes how we treat people. How we talk to the cashier.Who we turn to in a time of need. How we deal with life's numerous difficult moments.
Habits are ur default option. When we go into automatic pilot without thinking and actively deciding we regress to default, which can be a scary thought. Do i like my default? Am i even aware of all the settings in default? What are the settings set to? But even default settings can be changed, saved and applied. But it does not happen on its own. We must choose to change.
But we are scared. We like comfortable. We like the known. I just got a new mattress. I should have been excited, but my first thought when i saw it was-but i like my old mattress, why fix what ain't broke (never mind there was a deep groove in the bed from my body-but that's besides the point) i was so hesitant to try a new, definitely better mattress simply because i was comfortable with my old mattress and didn't have the desire to even see if the new one was as good if not better..
so we might be brave and make a change in a midda, an action we know probably isn't the most kosher ( it is elul after all) and we commit to the change, telling our self that this time i will be the person that i have always dreamt of ..but after two weeks -it happens. We start to lose faith in ourselves. Who was i kidding? I'm not that holy...what i was doing isn't so bad...and unless there is either really great support system to get you back on track or you are just really really strong then the will wanes away and your back to square one if not square zero.
there are a few options, and if you have other suggestions..please speak up.
1-take the suggestion of gedolim everywhere-take on a change that is feasible, that is easy, something that you can comfortably fit it to your self image. Something that does not make you run for the hills at the thought.
2- have a support system. Peer pressure can be a wonderful thing. Pick someone whose opinion you respect who will make sure you stay on track. Tell him/her what it is that you have taken on, and make sure that you are responsible to report that days track record to them. If you know you have to report to someone you are less likely to embarrass yourself and mess up in a moment of weakness.
3- this one i think is the hardest. Believe that you are that great! Know that the potential for kedusha that is in you in unfathomable. You have been born to greatness and you can achieve greatness but only if you seek that greatness. This does not give anyone a licence to be haughty. Rather, it shud be humbling as Moshe Rabeinu knew. He knew he had greatness but that meant he had a huge mission to fulfill. We have the power to change worlds with our actions. Yes, that is scary but it can be empowering as well.
so make a change in your default setting. you do it all the time on your phone, computer and all other technological wonders, is it not time to upgrade your soul?
Wow, that was put so well! I love the way you give such practical and down-to-earth advice! And your meshalim make so much sense!
ReplyDeleteAnother thing to remind yourself is how much you have to gain by making the change and sticking to it until the end. Change is hard, no one's gonna deny that. But the person you come out to be at the end, the feelings of accomplishment when you come out better make it so worth it!
I just made up a quote of my own :) "Think of the gain, it's worth the pain!"
hey thats an awesome quote!
ReplyDeletethanx for reading the whole thing i know its a bit long i get carried away sometime! :p
Thanks, glad you liked the quote-me too! I took it from the famous quote "No pain, no gain" but your post inspired it :-)
ReplyDeleteI was able to read the whole thing because of the content! :-p Also, the enters between paragraphs help-then it doesn't feel like it's so long. But seriously, it was really good, which is why I was able to read it all!