Mistakes

I like making my own choices. 
I like being in control of my life. 
I like calling the shots 
I feel powerless 
and I don't like it

Recently I had to make a difficult decision. But before I could even make the choice, it was made for me. It devastated me. The truth is I probably would have come to the same conclusion and ultimately made the right choice. But the opportunity was stolen from me.

It is important to make your own mistakes.The most powerful lessons are the ones we bring upon ourselves. I have had people give me advice and they always say "learn from my mistakes, so you don't make them also." Its very kind. I appreciate the advice. But the message does not resonate with me as well as when I make the mistake. My parents told me repeatedly not to speed...it never sunk in. I got a ticket. Now I am terrified to go more than ten miles over.

Decisions are ours to make. Mistakes are ours to make. They are a rite of passage. We would never grow or change if we did not make our own mistakes. We can listen to advice all day long. We should learn from others. "ayzeh hoo chacham halomed mekol adam." Who is wise, one who learns from everyone. 


I still like making my own choices. I like knowing that I can at least decide about my life what I will do, who I will marry, where I go for shabbat, which friends I keep, how I spend my time. These are things that are important to my sense of self. Others will try to help. They offer advice. They want what is best for me. They think they know me. But no one knows you as well as you know yourself. So as much as they try and help. As much as they say they do x,y,and z because they want what is best for you, sometimes it just doesn't cut it. Sometimes you have to follow your own heart. Follow your own beliefs.

Is there anyone who you listen to unequivocally? Do you prefer to make your own mistakes or learn from others?

Comments

  1. AnonymousDecember 1, 2011 at 10:39 AM

    I HAVE to learn from my own mistakes. Other people's mistakes don't help me. The only way to internalize for me is to do it myself.

    That being said - Learning from a mistake means you made a mistake. And sometimes people can make really big ones. So sometimes it's better for it to be taken out of your hands before you are forced to deal with the consequences.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousDecember 1, 2011 at 11:26 AM

    I like making my own mistakes, but I dont HAVE to. I am very into looking at past "history", looking at other people's actions and basing mine off of what "history" has taught.

    ReplyDelete
  3. DevorahDecember 4, 2011 at 4:13 PM

    It's important to learn from your own mistakes. Sometimes no matter what anyone tells you, you just wont listen...and you NEED to do it on your own and see for yourself that they were right and then you'll be able to do it right next time.

    If life was all smooth and good and we didn't make our own mistakes, it would be much less of a learning experience. It's nice to learn from others but sometimes, we need to fall down ourselves so we can pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and start again.

    Yes, there is something to gain from learning from others and it can work sometimes but it's not the same as when you learn from your own mistakes. That lesson is internalized and stays with you on a much deeper level.

    Thanks for this great post!

    ReplyDelete
  4. aminspirationDecember 5, 2011 at 11:41 AM

    Cymbaline- Its logical that we would learn from others and save ourselves from making that bad choice..but does not mean we are always logical.

    Prof- good for you! you save yourselve a lot of heartache and difficulties.

    Devorah- I couldnt have said it better myself

    ReplyDelete

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