AM Inspiration

Go, go, go, go, go, go Go, shorty It's your birthday We gon' party like it's your birthday We gon' sip Bacardi like it's your birthday There is no partying today, even though its my birthday. Away from home, away from my family and  friends, im celebrating my birthday with my books, with my laptop and my notes.  Birthdays are a day of reflection. People ask you "how do you feel now that your (insert age)" and i often respond, exactly the same way i did yesterday. Nothing has changed. Its all the same. So the clock struck 12 and im officially one year older. Yippeee.  Birthdays are a way of marking time. People often congratulate you on your birthday, sometimes you get presents. But it does not really make any sense. What did i do to deserve this? I survived another year so i deserve recognition? Its time for a person to look at her own life, for me to look at my life and reflect- what is it that i have accomplished this year? what do...

They day is drawing to a close..and honestly I am hungry. Usually, I have some sense of the day. I get in the mood, in previous years i have even shed a tear or two. Today is the day to feel all the pain of the entire year. It is a day to cry out to Hashem and beg Him to bring us home, to save us from all the horrible things that happen to us. Today is the day to ask Him to return us to our full glory. To bring back His children who are so lost, they don't even know to ask how to get back. We mourn for the loss of souls, for the loss of bodies. We mourn for the darkness that we are plunged in. All it takes is for Him to turn on the light. All we need is for Him, in a split second to bring Mashiach and all will be good. But its hard for me to think that this year will be the year. Its because i see so much sinat chinam. I see so many people saying Lashon Hara and I see myself behaving in a way unfit for the return of His glory. So I beg G-d, bring us home. I tell Him-dont yo...

One of the themes of our pediatrics class is that parents are not always fit to be parents. We need a licence to drive, own a gun ,marry  but there is no law about the right to bear children. I'm standing in the subway and these parents are not exactly being very safe with their kids. So I was thinking maybe there should be a law - some sort of licensing that should be required before people are allowed to lawfully "bear" children. But then it struck me that many frum families would not pass if having children became part of bureaucratic jurisdiction. I imagine something along the lines of social services would come into play. Parents would be evaluated by their income, their home size, their age. That's only the tip of the iceberg. I can only imagine how far it would go. The first step towards Population control perhaps? So maybe it's not possible but I can't help but think that the benefits of such a thing are quite enticing.

Two more people are no longer in our class. We are two people less. I really feel for them. They both worked very hard and studied intensely. They are out. Not due to failing grades. Their grades were excellent. One left because her life was falling apart and yet insisted on coming to class. The staff heavily suggested she take a leave of absence and get her life back together. The other guy went in for a routine surgery, complication after complication later..he's sitting at home recuperating. When people you've been with for long are no longer with you, you start to wonder..what would happen if one day i didn't come back. Would people care? Would they notice? Would they say good riddance? Would anyone try to find out why I'm not there? I know from experience that when I am not in school people do notice. One friend has texted me wondering where am I am and if I am coming to school. Its often hard to know how people really feel about you unless you are very c...

Ever seen someone on the train and think "oy! Shes so pretty why would you do that to yourself?!!" I'm not against a tasteful tatoo. I even think there is a certain elegance in a small nose ring ( like the ones the isrealis have.. No bull rings) Red hair or blue black hair can look funky and cool on the right person. Sure these are not mainstream BY looks but I can appreciate why someone would want those. But certain looks I just don't get. Why ink yourself all over? I've seen saggy old women with saggy tattoos all over and it's just gross. I have come to realize over and over again that it's impossible to ever know what is going through peoples' minds. Too often, we find ourselves assuming that people think the way you do, see things the same way as you. Its not true. I recently had a bit of a "thing" with one of my roommates. It was mostly a a communication issue. She told me one thing, and i interpreted in a way that she did no...

One of the main "things" against Facebook is that it's not real. People alter their profiles. The " friends" that you have are not physical beings. They are walls. They say you should be out with real people having real verbal conversations. You should be able to hold the pillow your having the pillow fight with. Ideally- yes. Real people are better than cyber people. But what about those who don't have real people to hang out with. Whether it's due to scheduling, location or personality, there are plenty of people who don't have the blessing of being surrounded with friends. So is it still bad? Are no friends better than cyber friends? We are told to look for truth in this world. We are here to search for emet. We want to live in " reality." ( I put reality in quotes bcz nothing in this world is reality we can't see anything clearly) the only thing that we know 100% without a shadow of a doubt is real and true is the Torah! Everything ...

The mind is a funny thing. we can create people, places, conversations. its quite incredible if you take a moment to think about all that we can do. How many times have we created an entire situation out of absolutely nothing in our minds? (mountain out of a mole hill syndrome) I like to imagine people's lives. Give them a story. Its an interesting way to pass the time. I am always on the lookout for how many people are wired and who is not. My elementary school principal would always wear an A on his lapel. He said that the most important thing is attitude. As a kid, sure i heard him, but i was naive, innocent and all was good in the world. Why shouldn't i have a good attitude? But lately, i have  noticed that when im in a bad mood, i literally see everything with grey tinted glasses. I become intolerant of my best friends. I give myself no credit. I become judgmental, crabby and everything is worse than it seems. The worst part is that i know that...

The regular subway row holds about 6 average size people. Some people are bigger some smaller. It should hold about six people. What bothers me is when people take more than their share. When they sit in a way that takes up more than their allotted share? We've all seen it. The lady with all her packages spread out everywhere. The kid sleeping across the bench. The guy with his legs so spread out it's impossible to squeeze in. The homeless man that makes the entire car impossible to stand in. This is not a communistic message. I am not saying that we should all have the  same thing. But we do all have an obligation to humanity. We are supposed to work to rectify the world. We have to make room for others. The wealthy man is given the money so he has the opportunity to give charity. We are given talents to use them to better the world. Yes we must take care of ourselves but we are not be self absorbed. We are supposed to notice the ones around. Provide help as much as w...

is vanity contagious?

there is something that i have noticed among people since I have been here. It probably exists everywhere i just didn't  notice, It might be that i myself am lacking in this area and the mirror is reflecting my own deeds.  I have noticed an indifference towards judasim. People just do not care anymore about the sanctity of Shabbat. It is a well known reality in my program that many people in my class study on shabbat. I could never bring myself to do that. Besides, I asked my rav and he said no. Recently, I was talking to a guy in my class and he casually mentioned that he studies during davening. He gathers notes, he highlights. He has no problem with this. All this came out after I was going down on him for not learning on shabbat instead of studying.  Today I came into school and told my friend, its gonna be a long day! I woke up hungry and that is never good on a fast day. She looked at me funny "oh, your fasting day?" like it was a surprise. O...

Jealousy is bad. Simply put. Hakina Hat'aava vekavod motziin et adam me'olam-jealousy desire and honor remove a person from this world.  I never really got the big deal. I am not by nature a jealous person. Hashem gives you everything that you need, and if you needed it you would have it. That is something that i firmly believe and i never had a hard time convincing myself of that truth. It was all good. Until recently. I've had a little green monster hanging out on my shoulder. and I don't like it. The worst part is that its my closest friend in the whole entire world that i am jealous of and its killing me. I hate that i cannot fully rejoice in her success. I hate that i cant be myself with her because I'm so flippin jealous. I'm jealous because shes excelling in an area which i should be excelling in. She is doing something that had i the time to commit to it, would excel. I know because i have in the past. but know because of school, i cannot sp...

A word is just a word till you mean what you say  and love is not love till you give it away