little green monster


Jealousy is bad. Simply put. Hakina Hat'aava vekavod motziin et adam me'olam-jealousy desire and honor remove a person from this world. 

I never really got the big deal. I am not by nature a jealous person. Hashem gives you everything that you need, and if you needed it you would have it. That is something that i firmly believe and i never had a hard time convincing myself of that truth.

It was all good.

Until recently.

I've had a little green monster hanging out on my shoulder. and I don't like it. The worst part is that its my closest friend in the whole entire world that i am jealous of and its killing me. I hate that i cannot fully rejoice in her success. I hate that i cant be myself with her because I'm so flippin jealous.

I'm jealous because shes excelling in an area which i should be excelling in. She is doing something that had i the time to commit to it, would excel. I know because i have in the past. but know because of school, i cannot spend the time on it that it needs.

So am i rational? No!  Do I make sense? No! Is this the person i want to be? Of course not.

is there anything i can do about it? Right now i seem a bit stuck here. I'm hoping that i get pass this soon. but till then i hope my tail doesn't show.

Comments

  1. SparrowJuly 5, 2012 at 8:21 PM

    Ouch! Tough one.
    Maybe take a few deep breaths? Or even tell your friend how much you admire nwhat she's doing?
    I had a moment like that- and after talking with my friend she pointed out how jealous she was of me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. aminspirationJuly 6, 2012 at 5:43 PM

      We've spoken about it. The same thing happened, we both think the world of each other. BH, its getting better. She knows how i feel and is trying her hardest not to talk about it. But then that makes me sad because i want to be able to celebrate her accomplishments.

      Delete
    2. SparrowJuly 6, 2012 at 6:06 PM

      :(. This will get better soon, especially because she seems to be very sensitive.

      Delete
    3. aminspirationJuly 6, 2012 at 6:09 PM

      yea, i feel like its already taken a turn for the better BH

      Delete
    4. SparrowJuly 7, 2012 at 11:01 PM

      BH! :D

      Delete
  2. %Shocked%July 6, 2012 at 5:36 PM

    For me it isn't really jealousy of others, but that there is just so much I want to do, learn and accomplish that I get down on myself for not doing it or having the time to do it. What works for me is telling myself that it's something that I will do when I have the opportunity. What works even better (again, for me) is reminding myself that I'm prioritizing, doing what's best for me right now. My dreams and aspirations for this or that, ya, those are nice wants to have, but practically, I'm doing what I must at this moment. I think with those two things in mind, perhaps the jealousy would be mitigated...?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. aminspirationJuly 6, 2012 at 5:46 PM

      what you say is so true. Usually that does work. But being so consumed by school and not being to accomplish much else is hard. especially for a multi-tasker like myself. I have never had one thing consume my entire life and now that it has..it is difficult for me. But ur right. I have to prioritize and understand that my job is now school anything else i do is just icing on the cake.

      Delete
  3. DevorahJuly 19, 2012 at 1:36 PM

    This is really hard. It takes a long time to work on this and to be able to be truly happy for and celebrate someone else's accomplishments. It makes it easier when you know they are not taking away from you or from something you could have done or could have gotten but when it's so similar and you wish you could have been in the same place, or you thought you might have been able to be in the same place...it hurts so much more and it's so much harder to deal with.

    ReplyDelete

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