Friday, December 5, 2014

Not Waiting

I think that just sums it up perfectly.

It is such a hard line. To balance between hope and expectation. I personally am constantly grappling with it. 

To go back to shidduchim..because it always comes back to shidduchim...

look forward but never wait..

How many girls do we all know that have put their lives on hold waiting to get married?
How many of our friends don't go on trips, don't make career moves...wont buy themselves jewelry, Wont spring for that nice linen...because they are waiting for when they are married? 

I cannot even begin to count how many times people have told me..."wait, you'll do that with your husband."  

I want to go backpacking across Europe- wait and do it with your husband
Skydiving- ditto 
highlighting my hair even- wait till your married (don't want to Gd forbid screw up my chances of getting married with the wrong color streaks) 
I book a ticket a few months in advance...but what if you are dating someone then? 

We all have that friend who is just sitting, waiting, doing nothing with their lives..whiling away the time till prince charming shows up. I had one such friend who BH got married this past year. I have  never been happier for anyone. She was 28..and had done nothing...literally nothing...working here and there as a preschool sub. A lot of TV a lot of the kardashians and say yes to the dress... but nothing to better herself, Her whole life she was waiting to be the doting wife and homemaker. She was waiting for someone to come rescue her from herself. To love her and protect her and take care of her...because she really is fragile and incapable. 

Ultimately I think that makes all the difference...between the ones who are single and depressed and the ones who are not. Of course, I cannot ever judge someone else and I myself have clearly had those moments when it all just seems so hopeless. But if you are living your life, doing the things that you love...Yes, we are looking forward to the day when we will have a home of our own...but till then I am not waiting around for some guy to come rescue me from my fate. 

I choose to live today and everyday...with hope not expectation; looking forward but never waiting. 


  1. People think I am doing nothing and waiting, but I'm the type who doesn't like doing anything. I'm a bad traveler and I don't enjoy stomach-dropping thrills. But I like jewelery, and I want to buy it if I see something I really like. Ta, thought, tells me, "Your husband will buy that for you." Ma says, though, "Get it." She knows how my taste runs, that I don't buy just to buy but if it is perfect and I love it and I'll never find it again. Ta eventually comes round. Although I do have to wait for gold to go down.

    There are different types out there, like your friend. Would she be doing all that much more if she had been married all this time? Possibly not.

    But it really annoys me when people don't do things when they are single because they would be "bad for shidduchim." Uh, you know what, if you are cool with your highlights, either (a) your husband will think they are cool too or (b) if he don't like them, he won't care to the point that he won't marry you over that. Dating would be a lot easier if singles let their individuality shine, instead of trying to fit into the box.

    1. "Dating would be a lot easier if singles let their individuality shine, instead of trying to fit into the box."

      well said! i think one of the biggest issues is that people are afraid to let their real selves no one knows what they are getting themselves into and are always second guessing

  2. I was just talking to someone about this... the waiting part sucks but it really is an incredible time for growth and adventure. You aren't tied down. You don't have a husband to answer to. You can take trips. You can hang out with friends. Attend classes.
    I laugh that you wrote about highlighting your hair... I needed to get a haircut... so I decided to get highlights too. I love it and its just another expression of me and my personality. If I was dating or getting engaged or engaged I probably wouldn't have - gotta save for a shaitel but now, thats not in the picture so what should hold me back?
    Read this:
    Live your life. Ruin your chances. Be happy.

    1. congrats on the highlights! :)
      we have to be as happy as we can be in any situation we are in..not wait for some mythical someday

  3. I totally agree with you. Live your life while you can. Enjoy the good parts, the independence you can experience because once you are tied down, you can't go back to that carefree life. Of course there are times when you will feel stressed and wonder when will it ever happen to me, but that shouldn't stop you from building a life for yourself in the meantime. Go on trips, invest in a career, do what you love. And iy"h soon you will have someone to share it with. You'll go on trips together, you'll do fun things that you enjoy with your husband. But don't sit around waiting while time is passing you by when you can do wonderful things with that time.

    I hope it happens soon...!

  4. Thanks Devorah! as always, your comments are heartwarming!


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