so it continues...

So- the un-sureness continues.  And its debilitating.

I want to stay.
I want to strike out. 
I want to make a splash.
I want to stay hidden.
I wanna say Eff it.
I want to be cautious.
I want to be an adult.
I want to revel in my youth.

I never really thought I had dreams.
I am scared to have dreams.
Having dreams I am not pursuing means I am a coward. It means I am a failure. It means that I am just like millions of others who have settled in their lives. I am just one more person that has settled for a life of mediocrity.

I am terrified.
Terrified of not living. Terrified of just passing time. Terrified of just passing this world, being-meh.
Terrified of becoming my parents. Terrified that I have lost my Judaism. Terrified that it seems to be slipping away. Terrified of becoming the cliche older single. Terrified that I no longer have the zeal for its study. Terrified that I am becoming another rote Jew. Terrified that I actually cannot summon the desire to do anything to change my apathy.

I don't know.
I am frightened.
I am crying.
I am lost.

Comments

  1. Mr. CohenJuly 21, 2019 at 12:59 AM

    Mr. Dennis Prager said:

    “...as a rule, religious Jews are more committed
    to Jewish survival. One recent example:

    During the height of the Palestinian terror,
    while secular Jewish organizations cancelled
    their youth trips to Israel, the Orthodox did not.

    SOURCE: Ignoring G-d by Dennis Prager
    Kosher Spirit magazine, Fall 2003 edition
    www.ok.org/kosherspirit/fall-2003/ignoring-g-d/

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mr. CohenJuly 21, 2019 at 1:03 AM

    Mr. Ross Perot
    (two-time USA Presidential candidate) said:

    “Israel is a beacon in its part of the world
    in terms of its democratic government.

    It is a role model to the others there...”

    SOURCE: Remembering Ross Perot’s
    relationship with Israel and the American Jewish
    community     by Jackson Richman, 2019 July 10
    www.jns.org/remembering-ross-perots-relationship-with-israel-and-the-amreican-jewish-community/

    ReplyDelete

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