2/09/2020

Hey hun,

So I tried pot again,  this time in edible mint form. At one point my eyes got heavy so they said I looked high. But I need to learn to let myself go into it. Which i guess has always been my problem. I hold everything tight. I have a hard time letting go of control. Shrugs. 

 I don't know if and when I will see you again, and I think thats been the hardest part of all this. I've lost my best friend. The last time you walked out my door...I didnt know it would be the last time. I would have held on tighter, longer, would not have let you go. But i guess that is the way it is for everybody.

I signed up for a barista class. Its something i have always wanted to do. Learning something,  investing in myself. I know you would be proud of me. Sad that were not doing it together.

I saw your picture on your friends IG. Loved seeing you so happy. I only ever wanted to be happy. I never wanted to hold you back. As much as i hate this, i am at the same time so impressed and proud of you for taking this step to take care of yourself.

I dreamt that you were running towards me,but then you slowly started slipping away and disappearing. I am not sure what it means, but if i am honest with myself i think that it means that i have to say goodbye for good to the one person i thought would be in my life forever. the person that promised, would never leave. shrugs. 

 We went to thee valentine's market without you. I didn't break. I didn't cry. I think I may be healing.

hope you had a sunday funday.

xoxo

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