fear
I have been thinking lately about, fear. I do not think of myself as a fearful person. Yet, I am starting to recognize that I am fearful. I am fearful of failure. I am fearful of disappointment. Growing up, there was a lot of pressure to do well in school. I remember being scared of my father if i ever got anything less than an A. They used to test me, work on my speed during reading so that I would be the top, the best. I remember crying in 4th grade because I made less than a 95. I have this other distinct memory of a math test. There was this "elite group" of us that would be taken out of our regular math class and be taught by the middle school math teacher. One time, instead of giving me the regular math test like everyone else he gave me a "challenge" test he thought i would enjoy/ do well on given my propensity for mathematics. I broke down crying. I didn't want to be challenged. I wanted to sail through the easy test and get the 100. I took a ...