Im losing control

So...yesterday when i was at the gym, working out, not working, when i saw this lady who wasnt exactly a size two if ya know what i mean. then this thought processs started which i think we all have when we see someone of a certain size.."oy nebach, so sad how did they get that far, i would never let myself turn into that" or some people go into this thought process "eew gross! how can she like live with herself, i mean seriosuly how does she look at herself in the mirror" and you see these people at teh gym and sometimes you wonder why? why do they even bother walking two miles an hr on the treadmill? whats the point?

but i think this mentality goes farther. its not only with hefty people that we have this process its also with people who are sooo different from us that we just cannot relate. it may be someone who has gone off the derech. you havent seen them in a while cuz well you just dont run in the same circles (btw..running in circles..completely pointless!) but then you just happen to go into the grocery store and you see her and you just shake your head and keep walking. and as you do your shopping you think how in heavens name did it get this far. just last year she was in a bais yaakov and now she's wearing ripped jeans and three pierces in each ear...
now to the opposite direction. before she went to israel this girl was the hip cool girl in town. she always had awesome jewlery long earings,her skirts werent exactly pleated but they covered her knees. she always was walking around listening to her ipod filled with the latest hits on the charts..you know the girl im talkin abt full of personality never afraid to talk to anybody always moving and always making waves wherever she went. she comes back a year later. she's different, hair isnt flowing everwhere..style a little more tamed actually everything abt her is more tamed, the ipod seems to have disappeared along with her whole wardrobe..she insists she;s the same but you just shrug your shoulders, shake your head wondering "what in heavens name happened to that girl, how did she get so far from who she was?"

all these situations are different yes i agree but at the same time exactly the same. we wonder how did that happen and we promise to ourselves at that moment never ever ever to let that happen to ourselves. the unknown is the greatest fear man has. anything else we fear we can face ultimately cuz we know what it is and how to fix it if we want to when we want to. but when we dont know how that happens then we are scared silly.

i think tho that what really scares us when we see the aforementioned people is that potentially it could be us..it will never be us we promise ourselves over and over again but it can be us..the only difference? lack of control lack of disipline. we all set rules for ourselves, no carbs after nine...no jean skirts...no non-jewish music..whatever it may be whatever place you are at...
but sometimes we slip. when i first started listeninng to non-jewish music (before sem of course) it started very innocently, just a song hear and there and before you knew it..BAM! there i was with a CD collection i would not be proud to bring with me to the Bais Din Shel Mallah. all it takes is one slip, one moment of weakness. and im not tellin you or me taht we have to be perfect and im not saying that if we make one mistake then we are doomed forever...but I am saying that it does take control.

i hate the diet example cuz its so overused and yall know my position on overused..but lets say someone is on a no carb diet for her sisters wedding at the wedding when she says hamotzi and takes a bite of the white flour roll and then eats the potatoes and then has dessert..man oh man it is downright torture not to eat the leftover sheva brachos food for the next week..its so hard to give in to temptataion which in this case was deserevd and then refuse your body what it desires next time.

so what am i saying. first of all like that 300lb lady at the gym..if we have lost control we just have to get back in control get our lives back on track and i do not in the slightest sense think that its easy, second when you do see these people we can never judge some people have bad genes that make it near impossible to ever be a normal weight, u never know what has happened in a person's life that causes them to dress the way they do act the way they do and instead of shaking your head and muttering under ur breath as you walk away - walk up to your former classmate and say "Sup!" see whats goin on in her life maybe you too have more in common than u think!