U R what u seek

So I've had lots of ideas running thru my head, there is this one concept that ive been wanting to talk about since i got back from israel and there is sometihng that occurs to me everytime i work out and then there is this one thing that really struck me this week so im gonna see if i can pull it all together.lets see how it goes..

So basically my father was getting gas early on this week and then it hit him..his back muscles spased as in he had a muscle spasm and has been in intense pain. for the first two days he could barely get outta bed and if he needed to stand up he called me to help him( seeing as im so short i was the perfect lean on hight- we laughed that now we know why im so short..) anyways what striked me ( i think thats the word) was that no matter how much pain he was in..he still davened. he made sure he sat up to put on his tallit and tefillin on. and to me this really made an impression. how many times does it roll around time for mincha and we just cant. ur sittin on the couch sprawled out and u keep sayin ' i have to daven mincha, but i cant im so tired..i have a headache..but i have to daven' so ultimately we drag ourselves up force our bodies to stand -sorta- and then we mumble thru knowin before we even start that this isnmt gonna be exactly the best mincha of your life.

so the first day when my father was in bed and i came home from school and he was getting ready to daven. and personally i was exahsuted i had a really aweome workut the day before working my entire body, i had woken up early to go to the gym had been in class forever i was tired and my body hurt from the stress of the exercise the day before. and i was sitting there about to complain and thinking taht maybe Gd will forgive me this one time cuz i just cant summon the energy to get up. but then i see my father who cant move a milimeter without wincing and he's davening so who am i to complain. who am i to say that i cant daven- why cuz im a little tired? so what "get over yourself" i said. and then come the moment of truth

the yetzer hara sees that u won the battle but have u won the war?
are u gonna congradulate urself for getting up so " i got up.im davening..what else do u want from me?" this is the yetzer hara is waitin for. your tefilla is supposed to change u. u are not supposed to be the same person who takes those three steps back at the begining that takes the three steps back at the end. u are supposed to be a different person. is that gonna happen if u just pat yourself on the back for actually getting up but then put no effort into the actual prayer?

that is called complacency. i have this habit of saying "whatevs man" when im having a conversation with someone and we disagree abt something rather than fight it out my response is usually "whatevs man" and my friend gets so annoyed she tells me thats being complacent aand she doenst approve of me being complacent. we cant just be happy with teh actions we have to ensure that out actions lead to real quantifiable results.

this leads me to my next topic-sorta we'll see if it connects. when i was in israel nad i was staying by my ocA lady her daughter-age five- comes up to me and asks me if i chew gum. and im like not really no. so she askes me ' why not' so i say its not the healthiest thing...i trail off..she then proceeds to inform me that her father told her that chewing gum is not CHASHUV. so what does that mean that u are a princess, your the daugter of the King you reflect the Melucha..so do ur actions reflect the melucha?

In morehset we had signs allover of quotes our teachers said and one of them was "does it say on ur forehead-made by G-d?" and that is really a question we all have to ask ourselves. are we being complacent in our lives in our Avodas Hashem? do we think 'ehh, im ok ..i mean look at everyone else im so good what the matter what does anyone expect of me
but the truth is we shudnt be concerned with what our neighbor expects of u..what the teacher expects of you...what society expects of u. we have to be honest and i mean brutally honest and say to ourslevs - what does Hashem, the creator of the world my Father my King what does He expect of me? and that is a question taht we need to be constantly asking ourslevs as the answer will constantly be changing. our environment is alwys changing societyy is changing teh pple we interact with is always changing so how do u expectr that ur Avodas Hashem should remain stagnant?

we need to be constantly moving we need to act the way a princess woluld act we need to walk the way a princess walks and we need top talk the way a princess talks. one of the things that always hits me the hardest at college is the way people speak first of all- Lashon hara is everwhere second of all - the actual words taht they use. adn i dont just mean the students its the professors to..its a lacking of refinemnet. we are "mamleches kohanim v'goy kadosh" we need to be constantly upping our game. we need to be seeking refinement it everything and everypart of our lives. now for some it may be speach- one word that i know that i personally say that bothers me everytime i say it is "heck-what teh heck!?' and come on yall we can all agree that is not the most refined way of expressing one's self. its something to work on. the ways this can be applied is limitless..u know what im talkin abt!

so heres one last thing i know this is a megilla but im almost done i promise. the thing that hits me at the gym everytime is the effect of music. when im working out and im sweating away on the elliptical and im watchin my strokes per minute...its amazing withoiut even conscioulsy realzing it my feet move faster or slower depending on the music. im sure we've all faced that phenomena(those we are physically active at least) even at weddings we move to the beat-cept when there are waaaay too many pple on the floor so then ur not really moving but being pushed..but i digress.

if thats the effect the msuic is having on uir feet imagine what the effect is on ur neshama? now anyone who knows me taht i have an obssesion with music and this is another area that i think that we all can work on - refining the music we listen to. it doesnt have to be a big jump we all know what it is taht we listen to and how it can be refined. im not gonna go on a whole mussar shmuess here cuz we all know the score when it comes to music..language of the neshama..yada yada yada

so to end...See the crown, Be the Crown
and dont make no excuse abouit it!