and to all... A Happy New Year
So this was different than normal for the simple reason that i was in a different work environment for most of the week. I had to travel nearly an hour there and back and this is not something i am used to doing. My other jobs are merely 5 mins in either direction to my house..so you could say this was an adjustment. A bigger adjustment was going from an all frum office to a completely secular non-jewish one. The verbiage that was used..the topics that were discussed..the way they spent their time...all different. The most prevalent conversation was.."so..have any fun New Year's plans?" Towards the end of the stay, one of the overly friendly..male..employees at the office started on me..
"Nu? any New Year's plans"(he obviously didn't use the term nu..)
No, not really..(cue the pity for the poor nerdy girl without plans on the biggest party night of the year..)
"Thats no fun.."
Yea well..
~end of conversation.
Now, there are many ways this conversation could have ended had i not chosen to end it right there..
a) i could have explained that I am Jewish and
1)its shabbat hence the lack of plans
2) We have our own new year which we celebrate in an entirely different manner
b) I could have asked him what his plans were..thus initiating a conversation with someone that I know is more than happy to talk...
So why didn't I explain myself?
At the moment it occur ed to me but I dismissed it for a few reasons.
Primarily, as a Jew i did not want to make a spectacle of myself. I.E. call more attention to myself besides the long skirt to the ground when everyone else is wearing pants.I am a big believer in Jewish Pride..don't get me wrong..But there is a difference between being proud of it and flaunting it. We are supposed to be a nation that espouses modesty and yes that means more than elbows and knees. It means not going around and flashing how different and special we are. Yes, we are the chosen people and yes we are like no other nation..but that is precisely why we have to remain quiet and discreet.
The second reason was that the owner is Jewish, albeit not of the orthodox variety. Whenever people ask me what the rules are..in terms of halacha i tell them what i do..as a frum jew..but then they always come back to me with a story about their jewish friend/boyfriend etc..who always did x,y,z and didn't care about the things that obviously as a frum jew are quite important..
In general I don't like making a huge statement like that. It is not proper etiquette to air out your dirty laundry..and it makes me uncomfortable telling people..yea..shes not really doing what shes supposed to be doing that's why she is doing..xyz..
Lastly, I am a big believer in maintaining appropriate distance between the sexes. In the secular world, such a concept does not exist and its hard to explain to someone who has not had the upbringing. Yet, BH i have and i know the dangers that exist when one plays with fire. Yes, I am sure that the dude was completely harmless yet i know myself and i know that i get involved and attached very quickly and i know that there is few things i like better than a good conversation....so i stay away.
So, was i correct? Are my reasons valid? What would have you done?
"Nu? any New Year's plans"(he obviously didn't use the term nu..)
No, not really..(cue the pity for the poor nerdy girl without plans on the biggest party night of the year..)
"Thats no fun.."
Yea well..
~end of conversation.
Now, there are many ways this conversation could have ended had i not chosen to end it right there..
a) i could have explained that I am Jewish and
1)its shabbat hence the lack of plans
2) We have our own new year which we celebrate in an entirely different manner
b) I could have asked him what his plans were..thus initiating a conversation with someone that I know is more than happy to talk...
So why didn't I explain myself?
At the moment it occur ed to me but I dismissed it for a few reasons.
Primarily, as a Jew i did not want to make a spectacle of myself. I.E. call more attention to myself besides the long skirt to the ground when everyone else is wearing pants.I am a big believer in Jewish Pride..don't get me wrong..But there is a difference between being proud of it and flaunting it. We are supposed to be a nation that espouses modesty and yes that means more than elbows and knees. It means not going around and flashing how different and special we are. Yes, we are the chosen people and yes we are like no other nation..but that is precisely why we have to remain quiet and discreet.
The second reason was that the owner is Jewish, albeit not of the orthodox variety. Whenever people ask me what the rules are..in terms of halacha i tell them what i do..as a frum jew..but then they always come back to me with a story about their jewish friend/boyfriend etc..who always did x,y,z and didn't care about the things that obviously as a frum jew are quite important..
In general I don't like making a huge statement like that. It is not proper etiquette to air out your dirty laundry..and it makes me uncomfortable telling people..yea..shes not really doing what shes supposed to be doing that's why she is doing..xyz..
Lastly, I am a big believer in maintaining appropriate distance between the sexes. In the secular world, such a concept does not exist and its hard to explain to someone who has not had the upbringing. Yet, BH i have and i know the dangers that exist when one plays with fire. Yes, I am sure that the dude was completely harmless yet i know myself and i know that i get involved and attached very quickly and i know that there is few things i like better than a good conversation....so i stay away.
So, was i correct? Are my reasons valid? What would have you done?
Yes, your reasons are completely valid. I would have prob. done pretty much the same thing.
ReplyDeleteHave a good shabbos & " shana tova" ;)
lol-shana tova to you too!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the validation!Shavua tov!
When my non-Jewish co-workers asked me about my New Years plans I told them, "Yeah, it's a pretty Jesus holiday, so I don't really celebrate it." They had no problem with my comment. I wished them a happy New Year for them, and that was that.
ReplyDeleteI understand your perspective on being a "modest" nation, but I don't think that there's anything wrong with being honest. It's easier than trying to skirt issues, I think.
The question of, "Why don't my other Jewish friends do that..." takes merely a, "I'm an orthodox Jew and we have different customs," answer. No need to say, "They're doing it wrong," or anything like that. Just "tell it like it is."
I went through a similar struggle of, "maintaining a distance between the sexes" when I first entered the secular working world. I eventually reached a place where I realized that I could trust myself to keep things comfortable yet still professional. If things ever get inappropriate, I excuse myself and leave, but I'll be honest: it doesn't happen much with me, except with frum guys. I'm not kidding. Guys I've dated have been more rude and inappropriate than any of the non-Jewish guys I've ever dealt with.
Sad fact.
Frum Feminist- agreed that if it is someone that you have a relationship with and an office that you are a constant presence then i would have taken the time to explain.I was only there for a few days and would never see the person again. In that case, i didnt feel the need to explain.
ReplyDeleteMy first real job, on the first day one of the male people there stuck out his hand..i explained that im jewish and we dont touch men..and that was that. If it is someone that i am going to be with on a constant basis either in class or work i am more willing to be open and talk, otherwise i just let it die down.
The bit about frum guys is sad. I have seen over and over again that goyim will be more respectful of ur needs as a frum person than any secular jew or even a frum jew ever will. it is hard to see such things, but this is the reality.