Pursuit of Happines

what is happiness? 

are you happy? is anyone happy?

chazal tell us that "who is wealthy? he who is happy with what he has"

"d'agah belev ish yesachena v'dvar tov yeshmchena"

worry only heavies the heart while a happy thing gladdens the heart..

it seems that happiness comes with being content. not complacent but content. there is a big difference though the definitions do seem quite similar. 

complacent:pleased, especially with oneself or one's merits, advantages,situation, etc., often without awareness of some potential danger or defect; self-satisfied

content: satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.

when one is content with his life, he believes that his life has content. It is good, it is something that he is proud of. i am going to argue with the definition. I don't think that if one is content with his life, he isn't looking for anymore. I think you can be content with what is in front of you and still strive for more. 

Complacency is something altogether different. complacency is happy where you are now. complacency is never moving. complacency is settling. as i write, I'm thinking that maybe that complacency does have a place in our lives. there is no bad mida. I think that when it comes to physical acquisitions, complacency is a good thing. The old ipod is good enough, last years car is fine, it does the job. Yet, when it comes to spiritual pursuits complacency is death. we are not stagnant creatures.  that is the domem, the lowest form of "life" a rock never changes bcz it decides to change. The rain may smooth it out, the wind may push it a few miles north. A person may come along and crack it. The rock is at the mercy of others, be it weather, animals or humans. 

there are people who are "domem" in their lives. Yes, they change, the move but it is never an independent choice, a personal choice that maybe this isn't the way i want to live. They grow up, bcz the years pass. They move because they got married. The environmental factors are what keep them moving. They have externally changed, they have externally moved. But take a look inside. I would be scared. Take a look into that person, and what you see is the personal maturity of a ten year old, maybe a five year old. 

When was the last time i made a choice to grow. When was the last time i moved. Why did i move? Was it because someone pushed me? Was it because i got caught up in the crowd? Or did i do it for me? Did i change as a commitment to making this life worth living? Is my life worth living? He obviously thinks so because He is keeping me for a reason. He must have some plan for me right? He wouldn't have wasted the "energy. resources..etc" if He didn't think i was worth it?

But why does it feel like such a waste sometimes. Why does the daily grind get to me so much, that at this point..im hoping, praying a wind will come along and push me, move me forward. Maybe once im moving, i can use the momentum to keep moving, to keep changing. Starting anything is always so hard. The introduction is the hardest part of the essay, first day of class in a new school. Beginnings are hard. Everyone knows that.  So is it so bad that i am asking for a push? Is this the level i have descended to? This is pathetic, yes, but it is reality. 

as Rafiki says, you can either learn from it, or you can run from it..and as simba says so wisely...first I'm going to take away your stick..

we have hard situations. we have hard times, things that seem to keep hitting us, banging us in the head at each turn...Yes, these things are meant to teach us something. But before we can learn from them, before we have the time, the ability to analyze and dissect...we have to take away the obstacle. We have to take ourselves out of the situation. We cannot be objective, we cannot be clear headed if there is a stick constantly banging on our heads..once we do that..we can step back and learn from the pain, learn from what we hate the most. If we can take the pain that comes to us, and direct that pain towards growth ( which i have no idea how to do..but it sounds good right?) then it just may be worth it. That which does not kill us makes us stronger. 

we need to take ourselves out of the pain. and then we need to find out what it is that fulfills us. a fulfilled life is a happy life. fulfillment comes in many different forms. some people receive fulfillment from their jobs, others their personal life, some people feel fulfilled in all ares of their life. they are the lucky ones. most of us have areas that leave us feeling more fulfilled that others. but we cannot beat ourselves down because we don't excel at every thing. we all fear incompetence to a certain degree. This stops some of us from trying new things. for others this is crippling, because they cannot see past what they cannot do to what they CAN do. 

its easy to compare ourselves to those around us. it is easy to wish you could be like your friends who are superior to you in so many ways...but we know that we shouldn't compare. Hashem gave me my backpack and I have everything that i need etc etc etc. We all know that speech in our sleep.  I think we forget how important it is not to compare our past self to our present self. It is far too easy to fall into the trap of thinking "whats wrong with me? I used to be able to do this! Why can't i anymore?" we feel that if i used to be able to do something then there should be no reason why i cannot anymore. The must mean failure. That is so far from the truth. Hashem gives us what we need for that exact moment in our life. You may have needed that extra ordinary ability to not need sleep during seminary...but now you find yourself exhausted. What happened? I used to be the energizer bunny..not so much anymore. He gives you what you what you need when you need it. It so hard to remember but so essential. 

We stress ourselves out with so many things that are out of our control. We try to manipulate people around us, we try to manipulate the situations around us. We like to pretend that we are in control. But if we just gave it over to Him. If we simply handed it over to Him and let Him take over how much freer would we feel? Easier said than done right? Tell me about it. But we burden ourselves with so many things that we have absolutely no control over. We try to change things we could never change. We do this because we feel like we need to take control, and if we have it under our control that gives us some verification of our value, our existance as humans. We are created in His image and we are creators as such, but at a certain point we have to yield to the ABSOLUTE CREATOR and give in to His mastery. Then we can feel loved and cared for in His protective embrace.