Keep Your Enemies Close

Rosh Chodesh Nissan,

The month of freedom. The month of miracles. We started out the month with a bang. A tornado blew through town wreaking havoc in its path. I got to work. The power was out. Not much we can do without electricity. So we just sat there.

I have been a bit MIA in the blogging world recently. There is a good explanation for that. I have mono. Every time I started to write something my eyes would start to close. The computer would then too close and bed I embraced. Suffice it to say that I have not been the greatest help around the house when it comes to Pesach cleaning, or much anything else. Going to bed at ten does not really give you much time to do anything.

The truth is that I only recently have been diagnosed with infectious mononucleosis.  I have been feeling down and exhausted for a long time. and I felt horrible that I was decapitated and I was bed bound all the time. I started doubting myself.

The Yetzer Hara was on my back in a very real way. I started thinking, what’s the point. The thoughts that flitted through my mind shocked me. I had only heard of such things happening. It never happened to me. As the days went by, the worse it got. I am not an exhausted person. I pride myself in being able to go days without sleep and here I was needing eleven hours a night or else bad things would happen. Then I went to the doctor. I was tested and surprise of surprises. I have mono...a second time. That does not usually happen.

As soon as I was diagnosed the world felt brighter. I was happier. I felt freedom. I have a virus. That is why all this is happening. It was not a lack faith. It was not depression. It was an Epstein Bar Virus. Simple. I was surprised that I had felt so much better. I mean I’m still tired all the time. I still need to be hooked up to a coffee IV to get through the day. The facts are the same, I just feel so much better. I feel the freedom associated with this month. 


The freedom comes with knowing the enemy. Knowing the opposition. Once you know what it is that you are facing, no matter how intense the battle becomes less daunting. Once the enemy has a name, you can develop a game plan. Before you know precisely what it is that you are facing, your groping in the dark, you have no chance of overcoming your adversary. 


We all have darkness in our lives. We all have challenges, moments when we think that we will never get through this. But we are not so sure what  it is that we are trying to get through. We are not sure where it is we are standing and we don't know what it is that is causing the pain, all we know is that we want it to be over. 


In this month of renewal and freedom. Take the time to get to know this ghost your fighting. Yaakov was in the middle of fighting the malach. He stopped and asked him his name. The name is the essence. Once we know the name of what we are fighting, then we actually have a fighting chance of beating it. 


keep your friends close, your enemies closer. 


May this Chodesh bring us much clarity and freedom from our own personal galuyot. 


*May any inspiration from this post be a zechut for a refuah shelaima for R' Avigdor Asher Ben Gohar