Don't Shoot the Messenger
So here is the chiddush I learned this Shabbat. It was really exciting
So we all know that the first Beit Hamikdash was destroyed because we transgressed the three cardinal sins; adultery, idolatry, and murder. The second was destroyed due to sinat chinam. That's not the chiddush, If you think about it for a moment. Does it make sense? We served idols, had affairs and murdered..Hashem forgave us and gave us the Beit Hamikdash 70 years later, but Sinat Chinam..thats what is keeping us in Galut?!! If you think about it it really doesn't make any sense.
So here's the chiddush.
Sinat Chinam is typically translated as baseless hatred, which I always thought meant not liking someone for no reason. We all have that one person that rubs us the wrong way. You cannot point your finger on it, they never did anything to you but you just don't like them. That's what I always thought was sinat chinam. This caused me endless grief because here i was guilty of the exact reason the Beit Hamikash was destroyed. What kind of person am I?
But that's not sinat chinam! During the first Beit Hamikdash, we sinned, yes. We served idols, yes. We had desires, we listened to the voice of the yetzer hara. We were not strong. We fell. Multiple times. But at the end of the day, we believed in Hashem. We believed that ultimately everything came from Him. We had emuna.
This was and continues to be the exact problem we have now. We do not have emuna. We have sinat chinam. Sinat Chinam is not disliking someone unnecessarily. It means hating someone for stealing your paranasa, for saying hateful things to you. Sinat Chinam means hating someone because they hurt you. It means forgetting that this person is just a shaliach. It means forgetting that Hashem is the source of your parnassa, sinat chinam means hating someone for no reason, because it is coming from Hashem, not your friend.
When we forget that everything comes from Hashem. When we forget that what happens to us is a divine message. We start looking for external factors to blame. We say he was insane. We say he must have been out of his mind to stab a gadol multiple times. We just quietly and efficiently remove G-d from the picture. This was the problem at Beit Sheini. It is our problem now. This is why we do not have Mashiach and the Beit Hamikdash.
(on a completely side point. So I asked my rav, what about when we just don't like someone? He said that's fine, you do not have to be friends with everyone. So then I said what about the mitzva of ahavat yisrael? So he said there is a difference between liking someone and loving someone. You do not have to be friends with them, but you do have to care for them.)
Working on emuna is a life long battle that we all work on everyday of our lives. But the adage "don't shoot the messenger" was never more true. We need to work on recognizing that things come from Hashem, not people. Calamity comes as a message to us from our loving Father. It would be foolish to get angry at the messenger and completely disregard the message.For otherwise, we we are only asking for a harsher, louder message.
Who wants that?
So we all know that the first Beit Hamikdash was destroyed because we transgressed the three cardinal sins; adultery, idolatry, and murder. The second was destroyed due to sinat chinam. That's not the chiddush, If you think about it for a moment. Does it make sense? We served idols, had affairs and murdered..Hashem forgave us and gave us the Beit Hamikdash 70 years later, but Sinat Chinam..thats what is keeping us in Galut?!! If you think about it it really doesn't make any sense.
So here's the chiddush.
Sinat Chinam is typically translated as baseless hatred, which I always thought meant not liking someone for no reason. We all have that one person that rubs us the wrong way. You cannot point your finger on it, they never did anything to you but you just don't like them. That's what I always thought was sinat chinam. This caused me endless grief because here i was guilty of the exact reason the Beit Hamikash was destroyed. What kind of person am I?
But that's not sinat chinam! During the first Beit Hamikdash, we sinned, yes. We served idols, yes. We had desires, we listened to the voice of the yetzer hara. We were not strong. We fell. Multiple times. But at the end of the day, we believed in Hashem. We believed that ultimately everything came from Him. We had emuna.
This was and continues to be the exact problem we have now. We do not have emuna. We have sinat chinam. Sinat Chinam is not disliking someone unnecessarily. It means hating someone for stealing your paranasa, for saying hateful things to you. Sinat Chinam means hating someone because they hurt you. It means forgetting that this person is just a shaliach. It means forgetting that Hashem is the source of your parnassa, sinat chinam means hating someone for no reason, because it is coming from Hashem, not your friend.
When we forget that everything comes from Hashem. When we forget that what happens to us is a divine message. We start looking for external factors to blame. We say he was insane. We say he must have been out of his mind to stab a gadol multiple times. We just quietly and efficiently remove G-d from the picture. This was the problem at Beit Sheini. It is our problem now. This is why we do not have Mashiach and the Beit Hamikdash.
(on a completely side point. So I asked my rav, what about when we just don't like someone? He said that's fine, you do not have to be friends with everyone. So then I said what about the mitzva of ahavat yisrael? So he said there is a difference between liking someone and loving someone. You do not have to be friends with them, but you do have to care for them.)
Working on emuna is a life long battle that we all work on everyday of our lives. But the adage "don't shoot the messenger" was never more true. We need to work on recognizing that things come from Hashem, not people. Calamity comes as a message to us from our loving Father. It would be foolish to get angry at the messenger and completely disregard the message.For otherwise, we we are only asking for a harsher, louder message.
Who wants that?
Its a very interesting perspective. Definitely easier said than done to not hate on the person who's hurting you but turning to G-d instead to see why He sent her
ReplyDeleteBut that's why we're here. Thanks for referring me to this post :)
Wow.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful.
Thanks for sharing!
I'm going to say "wow" too. So glad you referred this post to YN and that I noticed it before tisha bav... it makes so much sense! Can't wait to spread the inspiration. Have an easy and meaningful fast.
ReplyDeleteWelsome lefti and corti to the blog. Thanks I loved the chiddush, my first thought was that I must blog this..and hence..
ReplyDeleteI wish I could be as inspired as the other commenters, but I can't say I am. I most definitely agree with you in regards to something that was done or said to you that involved a loss of some sort, but not when it comes to emotional anguish caused by others. There are all sorts of those types of pain, that although you may have to feel, could come through other mediums. If I were to be insulted by a friend, relative or associate, and all it did was cause pain, I'm not going to say, "Oh, I was supposed to feel that pain, let me forgive them- after all, I deserved it." Sure, I may have learned something from the ordeal, but that doesn't excuse the one who did it. No, I may have had to feel that pain, but not by their hand. If someone punches me, ya, Hashem wanted me to get punched, but not necessarily did it have to happen by the fist of a person. If that were the case, they wouldn't get punished for what they did (assuming the person didn't forgive them which I hope everyone would always). It could have happened by me walking into a bar that was protruding from a wall (It happens enough! Who knows how many punches I avoided over the years?? Lol). It's not the pain that I don't deserve- because obviously I do or it could not have happened- but that it was by the hand of someone close to me who was the perpetrator.
ReplyDeleteSure, there is additional pain that I must have deserved because it was via a relative as opposed to a bar (physical and emotional pain rather than only physical [although there is the emotional pain of berating oneself for being such a klutz]), but why that relative? Could it not have been a different relative?
I love the idea, I just don't feel that it can be applied across the board to losing one's parnassa, as well as being hurt by someone. I'm not saying, not at all, that there is no message to be learned, I'm sure there is, but getting offended, angry and upset at the one who hurt you, I don't believe, is provided for with your explanation. Unless I'm missing something, which is very very possible :) I'm also not saying I shouldn't forgive them, but I don't think I'd do so because they vicariously taught me a lesson or were messengers from Hashem. They chose (with their bechira), wrongly (assuming they made the decision to do what they did as opposed to G-d having "pushed them"), to be the messenger.
I think, in my exceedingly humble opinion (and quite possibly wrongly), that my post does a better job understanding how one can feel less hurt by someone else's actions. Perhaps our posts combined give a complete picture of how one can deal with being hurt by someone. Your post, in that it's a message from Hashem and mine, on how one can be melamed z'chus for the one who insulted you.
Have an easy and meaningful fast.
You are right. It does not excuse the other person. But its not our place to judge others. Our job is to deal with the circumstances that Hashem gives us. Yes, there is a reason that it was "that" relative but thats between him and G0d. Its our job to take what we can get from each interaction. Hashem determined that it should be done to us.
ReplyDeleteWow...thanks for this message.
ReplyDeleteWe need to remember that Hashem is behind everything that happens. It takes work to get to this level and not get upset with other people-remembering that no one can harm or hurt you unless Hashem decreed it so.
Great post and very inspiring. I just wish I could internalize it.
ReplyDelete