Falling is not Failing

i'm not afraid to fall
it means i climbed up high
to fall is not to fail 
you fail when you don't try
i'm not afraid to fall
i might just learn to fly
and i will spread these wings of mine

if i get up i might fall back down again
so lets get up c'mon
if i get up i might fall back down again
we get up anyway
if i get up i might fall back down again
so lets get up c'mon
if i get up i might fall back down again
and i might fall back down again
and we'll just jump and see
even if its the 20th time
we'll just jump and see if we can fly

I have fallen. 

Physically more recently, and spiritually as well. 

I went ice skating on Monday. I'm not a huge fan but I usually have a good time when i go. Going around, i fell. Ok that is to be expected, im not exactly a figure skater extraordinaire. It hurt more than it should have, but I have knee issues, and i fell on my knees..so whatever its normal. 

I managed to fall three times over the course of my field trip. My friends who held on to the side the entire time...they did not fall once. 

I managed to really hurt myself. I still have issues bending my knees and I avoid steps with a passion. The subway makes me cringe. But BH I am walking and could make it to the hallowed halls of school today. But the pain is definitely there. It is currently turning a wonderful conglomeration of blues, purples and soon some yellow will make its appearance. 

I mentioned earlier that spiritually I have fallen too. 

Recently my friend asked me what is the biggest change I see in myself since I have made this big move. I was embarrassed to say, but here's the truth..i have gone backwards. I had previously made significant changes in my life. I had cut out certain activities out of my life. Yet, i seem to have slipped back into them. I jumped, i flew, but i seem to have left my wings at home. I feel grounded. 

Falling has consequences. A physical fall will give you bumps and bruises . As for my latest rendezvous with the ground..i could barely walk, sleep, stairs...without being reminded. 

Spiritual falls bruise our soul. It sets back out growth. We don't see it. We don't feel the pain. We just go along, and say to ourselves that G-d will understand and that I'll get better i just need this right now..etc etc etc. We need to make sure that we don't lose our wings. We don't lose our spiritual support..

Falling is inevitable, the question is...do you feel the pain? How are you going to deal with it? Are you going to let it fester and ooze or will you treat it, bandage it up and find the support you need not to fall again. 

i'm not afraid to fall
i've fallen many times
they laughed when i fell down
but i have dared to climb
i'm not afraid to fall
i know i'll fall again
but i can win this in the end