Fear of the Unknown


They say we fear the unknown
For me it's different
They say ignorance is bliss
How can you fear something you don't know?
That's how it is with me
I was never scared of getting a ticket no matter how much and how often I sped. Up until I got my ticket-now just the sight of a cop car puts me into tachycardia. Even if I know I'm not doing anything wrong.

I never feared failure. I had never failed. I always excelled-without even trying. Whatever I did- I did well without breaking a sweat.Till now.

For the first time in my life I have stared failure in the eye and I am scared witless.

The thought of failure is petrifying. Last semester when a few of my friends failed out of the program I was sympathetic, but it never occurred to me that  if I didn't try harder, if I didn't really apply myself fully that might be.

Now I see that I was deceiving myself. I was foolishly content and oblivious.

We all have different things that motivate us. Finding motivation for studying is really hard sometimes when you are in bed, cozy and warm and your alarm clock goes off  at 5:45 am telling you to wake up and study. There is no one waiting for you, no one taking Attendance in your living room. Just you, your highlighters and a big steaming cup of coffee.

But this week, I had no issues getting up. No problem jumping out of my warm bed, studying all day, feeling surprisingly awake despite the precious few hours of sleep.

It was motivation at it's highest capacity. I was scared and I was determined not to let the unthinkable happen.

I never saw fear as a motivation. But it seems that a healthy dose of fear is good every now and then.

Comments

  1. LLApril 29, 2012 at 6:14 AM

    Don't I know exactly how ur feeling? I Literally could've written that post myself... And this week has also been great motivationally - there's nothing like finals to get one motivated!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. aminspirationApril 29, 2012 at 1:06 PM

    Thats for sure!

    ReplyDelete
  3. SparrowApril 30, 2012 at 12:15 AM

    As someone in grad school - I'm going to get As this semester.
    Why?
    Because I almost failed out of the program last semester.

    Good luck to you! You can do it!

    ReplyDelete
  4. cortiApril 30, 2012 at 12:58 AM

    Same here, I'm taking a biostatistics class now which is super dry and in the beginning of the semester I'd be surfing online all class... then I got a pretty bad mark on a homework assignment and since then I've been sitting up front hanging on to every word to get my grades back up. Not the first time I've been scared into studying, and I find this active motivation to be much stronger than the natural passive motivation which waxes and wanes based on my feelings.

    Anyway hatzlacha! Grad students are under-appreciated! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. aminspirationApril 30, 2012 at 11:47 PM

    Chasdei Hashem!
    I passed!

    The beginning of a new semester. I came prepared and I'm sitting in the front of the room..Heres to a better semester!

    ReplyDelete

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