Test Time
I am a social person, as I've said many times I am sure.
I thrive when I am surrounded my people. I thrive when I have close friends and people to spend time with. I enjoy alone time as much as the next person. I like to workout and read.
But when I am alone for too long, I get lonely. When I'm lonely, I do things that i regret. Things that take me away from spirituality.
At this point, I see it one way. G-d is testing me. This is has happened to me before. A friend I was close to decided that the relationship was too much for her to handle. It was difficult to say the least.
Chasdei Hashem, I moved on, made another close friend. We got close. But all good things come to an end. Its not really an end. Its a change. A hard change. Heart wrenching change.
This is the hardest Yom Kippur ever. Because forgiveness does not come as easily as one would like. I intellectually want to forgive. I know that i am being unreasonable and that she is fully in her right. But at the same time, I'm hurt. I know that the last thing in the world she ever wants to do is to hurt me. She tried to avoid it as much as possible, but alas in the words of Stevie Wonder- you gotta be true to your heart!
I want to forgive fully with my heart, she is my closest friend. I think I have made peace with it. This is a test. One of the hardest that I have ever had. But approaching it as a test makes it easier to deal with it. Now that I have identified the issue, its easier to deal with it.
Easier, not easy.
I thrive when I am surrounded my people. I thrive when I have close friends and people to spend time with. I enjoy alone time as much as the next person. I like to workout and read.
But when I am alone for too long, I get lonely. When I'm lonely, I do things that i regret. Things that take me away from spirituality.
At this point, I see it one way. G-d is testing me. This is has happened to me before. A friend I was close to decided that the relationship was too much for her to handle. It was difficult to say the least.
Chasdei Hashem, I moved on, made another close friend. We got close. But all good things come to an end. Its not really an end. Its a change. A hard change. Heart wrenching change.
This is the hardest Yom Kippur ever. Because forgiveness does not come as easily as one would like. I intellectually want to forgive. I know that i am being unreasonable and that she is fully in her right. But at the same time, I'm hurt. I know that the last thing in the world she ever wants to do is to hurt me. She tried to avoid it as much as possible, but alas in the words of Stevie Wonder- you gotta be true to your heart!
I want to forgive fully with my heart, she is my closest friend. I think I have made peace with it. This is a test. One of the hardest that I have ever had. But approaching it as a test makes it easier to deal with it. Now that I have identified the issue, its easier to deal with it.
Easier, not easy.
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you know what to do....