Not a regular post

So normally this is the kind of thing i would talk out with my friends...but seeing as those seem to be a rare commodity these days...

I have met very few guys who i have actually liked
actually thought about after the date was over...none
remembered their name...very few

There are few correlations between the few guys I actually liked

A. We talked - really talked
B. Inappropriate for marriage , great boyfriend material just not someone I could marry.

I like to talk. I think when you discuss things with people you really connect with them. When was the last time I discussed anything real on a date... Can't remember

Why is it? Why is it that the guys that I actually connect with are never guys I could feasibly have a future with?!!

This is such a weird feeling. The only way I could describe it, as childish as it sounds- I'm actually embarrassed, I have a crush. For the second time in my life I have a crush.

I'm hoping it blows over soon. It's a really strange feeling.

Comments

  1. Wondering MindsOctober 11, 2012 at 11:55 PM

    Is it possible that you are looking for a boy that others want you to have, and not what you really want?

    Meaning - these boys fit what you like in a boy, but wouldn't pass the parents/friends test?

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousOctober 12, 2012 at 8:25 AM

    Or is it possible that what you THINK you want in a guy, and what you REALLY want in a guy, are not one in the same? That perhaps you are letting others tell you what you should be wanting, and looking for that, instead of focusing on what you really, deep down, want?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wondering MindsOctober 12, 2012 at 9:18 AM

      Isn't that what I just said?...

      Delete
    2. AnonymousOctober 12, 2012 at 9:48 AM

      I wasn't referring so much to the parent/friend test - more to the following:

      - Where does Society think I should be "religiously" so to speak as opposed to where I AM "religiously". In other words, am i dating the guy i want to be with or the guy my rabbis think I should be with

      Delete
    3. Wondering MindsOctober 12, 2012 at 10:05 AM

      Oh...that's what I had meant...

      Either way, I know I am def guilty of falling for that, where what I want differs from what I want to be seen with...

      Delete
    4. aminspirationOctober 12, 2012 at 12:10 PM

      I hear what your saying and i did think about that, that maybe im looking for something I am not. But no, i am not dating people that my parents/rabbis/society want me to.

      Delete
  3. AnonymousOctober 12, 2012 at 12:53 PM

    So long as ur sure

    ReplyDelete
  4. ShockedNovember 21, 2012 at 12:39 AM

    It sounds to me more along the lines of: the boys you're going out with don't fit what you're looking for. I mean, once or twice I've been set up, gone out and asked myself afterwards, "What. Was. That? That person is not what I was told she'd be like at all." But generally they've been on the mark and it's in the "details," lack of chemistry and/or other things.

    In other words, how are you being introduced to people who are not of marriage material to you?

    And lastly, just a suggestion, maybe what you think you want and what you practically want are different things? I thought I needed girls I dated to have a specific characteristic. A friend took the time to convince me to go out with a girl who didn't have this trait and lo and behold, it didn't bother me at all. We didn't work out, but not for that reason.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wondering MindsNovember 21, 2012 at 12:43 AM

      I love when people actually read the comments before they actually respond :)

      Delete
    2. ShockedNovember 21, 2012 at 12:57 AM

      I do try to read all the comments before I respond. I'm not sure which point you're harping on as me not having read, but please fill me in as to which point I repeated that was addressed.

      From what I understood, both you and Cymbaline addressed the aspect of societal expectations, and I'm saying that maybe AI hasn't quite nailed down what she wants, to the point where she's turning people down for reasons that she thinks aren't okay for her, but are.

      Could be that I am repeating what's already been said, but from where I'm sitting, I've added to what's been said. Maybe I'm wrong; God, and many other people, know I have been before.

      Delete
    3. aminspirationNovember 21, 2012 at 10:41 AM

      Thanks but im really clear on what i want, so clear that most shadchans tell me that what im looking for "is really hard to find" whatever that means. I appreciate the concern.
      Welcome to the blog.

      Delete

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