AM Inspiration

What do you do when everything you worked for..everything you have put all your hopes and dreams into..everything you put your heart and soul into..is gone.  The one thing i have been dreading..the theme of my nightmares...came to be.  two years of schooling, sleepless nights, missed wedding and family vacations two years of loans..all thrown away with 4 simple words " you have been dismissed"  what do you do then? do you fall apart? soldier on? start over? I was given a choice...start over or walk away? After days of literally going crazy going back and forth, speaking to my adviser and my parents..coming up with nothing. How do i decide? How do i know what i am supposed to do? This is the rest of my life! So I did the only thing i could think of-I called my Rav.  Some would think me insane for making this decision based on one man's word. But the thing is..its not one man..its da'as Torah. Its not just his personal opinion. Its thousand...

Goodbye Its been the proverbial roller coaster. It was hot and then cold. Intense and then distant. Hours on the phone everyday and then nothing for weeks. You were a good friend to me. You were what i needed at the time. Understood me. Helped me through difficult times. We laughed. We cried. I was there for you. Held your hand when you needed it. Kept my distance when you told me you couldn't be friends anymore. We went through hell and back together. You promised me that when you got married, you wouldn't disappear. I didn't believe you. But you proved me wrong. I was impressed. You were not like everyone else. This friendship really does mean something to you. When you said you were committed you weren't lying. At least initially. Then you disappeared. Again. This time it didn't hurt. Well maybe a little. Being ignored always hurts. But nothing compared to last time. You cannot be bothered to make a...

We get one shot at this world. One chance to do it right. One chance to live out all our hopes and dreams. One chance to see the world, experience all of Gd's beauty and Mastery. One chance to make a difference One chance to do it right. So what happens when you stop living life for yourself? When your life becomes a series of choices to make someone else happy? Does that make you a hero? Does that make you a martyr? What happens when your choices no longer reflect your inner self? Your mental well being? Is that just what being a mother is? Is that what loving someone else is? At the point when it is no longer about what makes me me happy..rather about what makes other people happy.. When do you cross over from being a loving daughter/wife/mother to a martyr? What happens when you do? What happens when you feel guilty for making the decision that will make you happy, the one you know is the best for you...because you know it will absolutely destroy those w...

Hey all! Have a really important meeting tomorrow that i really need to go well. Could use all the prayers i can get. If you have the time, please say Perek 20 seven times and Perek 54 before 2pm. thanks so much!

A while ago I wrote a post about unexpecting the expected . I thought I had it all figured out. It was easy now. If you have no expectations..then you cant get hurt right? right? Someone please tell me I am right?! Ok. Fine. Its not that simple. Its not that easy. and no it does not always work out the way you want. For try as I might, expectations creep in. When you are looking the other way..it tip toes stealthily right into your heart. I convinced myself that I wouldn't do it this time. I will not have unrealistic expectations! I wont! Ha! Epic fail. I have been going through something really difficult these past few weeks. Really intense. Life altering. It is times like these when you turn to your nearest and dearest for support. Those that are supposed to be the closest to you-you want them to get you. You want them to be there for you in the exact capacity that you need them to be. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work that way. This is not to say that my nearest ...