On Aging
My grandfather is currently in a rehab facility. Every time I go to see him it is simply depressing.
I often think about getting older..getting old. What will i be like? Will I still have purpose in my life? Will I be working? Involved in the community? Will I still be pretty? Will I be in good health? Good shape? Will I have anyone to care for me? Will I end up alone rotting away in a nursing home waiting for death to come?
Its morbid I know. But really. My grandparents came to this country the year I was born. They moved to the States because all their children were here. In Iran they were at the top. Here...they are foreigners. They have heavily accented English. They do not work. They are not involved in the community. They spend their days watching Persian TV, at the gym, sleeping, eating and maybe some gardening.
It always struck me that they really basically do nothing all day. But this year, Erev Rosh Hashana my grandfather woke up unable to move his right leg. The day before he had gone swimming, biking, jogging. He ended up in the hospital, developed congestive heart failure, pneumonia. It is now months later..and he still cannot walk on his own..and he has basically feels like he has nothing to live for.
I was watching him yesterday..he just looked so sad. I cannot describe it. He is in a rehab facility where no one shares a common language with him. He doesn't understand whats happening on the television, my grandmother can only be there for so many hours a day..its pathetic and horrible.
When I was rounding in the ICU, we would see patients who were so old, so debilitated, it made most of us say " i never want to be old, if i ever get that decrepit please just give me a very large dose of morphine!" I know that old age is a blessing. It means that you have lived a fulfilled life, you have accomplished, you have experienced. Age is a good thing.
But only if you are doing something with your time. If you make each day worth living. Always waiting for something else to happened is not the way to live. I do way to much of that. But seeing all those people really woke me up. I want my life to mean something. I want to be doing and thinking till I go.
I still wonder if I will pretty and with it as I age, but I will do my everything to make sure I am doing and not wasting away.
I often think about getting older..getting old. What will i be like? Will I still have purpose in my life? Will I be working? Involved in the community? Will I still be pretty? Will I be in good health? Good shape? Will I have anyone to care for me? Will I end up alone rotting away in a nursing home waiting for death to come?
Its morbid I know. But really. My grandparents came to this country the year I was born. They moved to the States because all their children were here. In Iran they were at the top. Here...they are foreigners. They have heavily accented English. They do not work. They are not involved in the community. They spend their days watching Persian TV, at the gym, sleeping, eating and maybe some gardening.
It always struck me that they really basically do nothing all day. But this year, Erev Rosh Hashana my grandfather woke up unable to move his right leg. The day before he had gone swimming, biking, jogging. He ended up in the hospital, developed congestive heart failure, pneumonia. It is now months later..and he still cannot walk on his own..and he has basically feels like he has nothing to live for.
I was watching him yesterday..he just looked so sad. I cannot describe it. He is in a rehab facility where no one shares a common language with him. He doesn't understand whats happening on the television, my grandmother can only be there for so many hours a day..its pathetic and horrible.
When I was rounding in the ICU, we would see patients who were so old, so debilitated, it made most of us say " i never want to be old, if i ever get that decrepit please just give me a very large dose of morphine!" I know that old age is a blessing. It means that you have lived a fulfilled life, you have accomplished, you have experienced. Age is a good thing.
But only if you are doing something with your time. If you make each day worth living. Always waiting for something else to happened is not the way to live. I do way to much of that. But seeing all those people really woke me up. I want my life to mean something. I want to be doing and thinking till I go.
I still wonder if I will pretty and with it as I age, but I will do my everything to make sure I am doing and not wasting away.
I think about that all the time. It terrifies me. (And I'm a lot closer to that stage than you are...) I don't think I'll care about being pretty when I'm 90 :), I just hope to be able to take care of myself.
ReplyDeleteI know that it is a little vain to be thinking about pretty at that age..but i think that no matter the age everyone wants to look good
DeleteI worry more about my legacy than the actual details of my old age. I figure it'll be in one of two ways, either retired living in one of my vacation homes, or one of those nuts who never stops working (most probably the latter. I'm crazy that way). The more realistic approach though, is that moshiach will be here so I won't have to worry.
ReplyDeleteWhy would Mashiach coming make you not worry about getting old?
DeleteSimple: Moshiach brings Chayim Nitzchim according to some, and even for those that hold different, once in Olam Haba (as in the second tekufa of moshiach) everything is ever lasting.
DeleteYou are young, so you are thinking like a young person. Nothing stays the same. I have witnessed many people growing old, and at some point, probably as a defense, one's insight turns inward; how the world revolves around them, as opposed to how they see the world.
ReplyDeleteHow your grandparents were living sounds like a peaceful retirement. I don't think people like that were waiting for something to happen; everything had happened already. They have already raised their children and dealt with the community. Now let someone else take over, while they live out their days peacefully and calmly.
Instead of viewing it from a negative place, consider how much joy you must give your grandfather whenever you visit, seeing the following generations. Continuity.
We daven "al tashlicheini l'eis zikna"-it's a scary thing to get old. The thought of eternity hit me pretty hard when my grandmother passed away...at the burial site. It was a scary thing to think about and it became so much more real when I watched her casket being lowered into the ground. Death is a scary thing to think about...yet it's an important part of life because it makes us value the time we have while we are still here.
ReplyDeleteThe message you gave is so powerful-if we take a moment to think about how we spend our time when we are still young, we can build our lives so we are proud of where we are and have something to live for when as we get older.
It's a sad thing when someone reaches a point when they have nothing to live for-your grandfather is lucky to have you! Visiting him keeps him going and must bring so much happiness into his day!