Sensitive

Its that time of year again. The time of year when we all scramble. Scramble to fix everything we did wrong the whole year in one week. After all, Chazal tell us that its possible. Today i can do teshuva for all the Wednesdays of the year. Its a daunting and overwhelming task. How is it even possible to do that? If I am perfect today...will it make all the past Wednesdays perfect? Is it a superimposed image? does it replace them? How does it work? That i cannot profess to know. But one thing I do know...it would be foolish of me to ignore the opportunity.

The Rambam says that we are to consider ourselves as if we are "bein onim" middle of the rd..neither tzaddikim or reshaim, and must use this week to do teshuva so that we will be worthy of being written in the book of life. It is not enough to just do more mitzvot to push us over onto the "good" side. It is only the "act" of teshuva that will bring us a favorable judgment.

I was thinking about what I should "take on" this week in preparation for the holiest day of the year. Unfortunately I was unprepared for Judgment Day, yet with the grace of Gd managed to have a uplifting Rosh Hashana. Dovid Hamelech says in Tehilim-"turn away from evil and do good." It is a basic concept in Avodat Hashem, you must first turn away from your destructive behavior before you can even begin to repair the relationship. ( the common example is you have to stop cheating on your spouse and then bring her roses to repair the damage) We need to distance ourselves from the activities, the people, the situations that create distance between us and our Father our King.

It is possible to be "navel birshut Hatorah" - disgusting within the guidelines of Torah. Sure you may be doing everything technically correct yet be completely missing the point. Judaism is more than just the rules-of which there is many. It is about being a refined person, an ambassador for G-d. Growth is in the subtleties, the nuances, the moments when no one else is watching and no one would ever know and I'm sure Gd doesn't really mind...its not that big a deal. It is in the sensitivities.

Being in a committed, deep relationship with someone means that you are sensitive to his wants and needs, knowing without him ever mentioning it that it would bother them so you don't do it. He never told you he doesn't like it when you make light of his work..but you know that its important to him so you would never!

Yes, we have rules, lots and lots and lots of rules. But even with the hundreds of rules we have, it still cannot encompass everything. It is in those moments that we have to be sensitive. Sensitive to the relationship with our Father, sensitive to our pure souls who have to reside in a physical body in a world filled with impurity.

So I am using this week to hone my sensitivities. I am on a detox. No TV, No movies, No non-Jewish music. Yes it is just a week. Maybe i will extend it. But for now, I'm separating. turning away from the negative influences on my soul..