ENOUGH!
its been a while..not sure if anyone reads anymore..but write i will if only for myself.
its gotten to the point where people just look and me and they pity me. I am almost 26, not married with no prospects in sight and I have been told that people think
im not serious,
my resume is all wrong,
i dress wrong,
i dont meet enough people,
hmm what other reasons can we come up with..
i dont meet enough shadchanim,
my hair is too short,
its too long,
im too frum ,
im not frum enough,
the boys are picky,
i'm picky
im too smart
i intimidate
im asking for too much
my biological clock is ticking
....
the list goes on and on and on bemoaning the many reasons of my single hood..yet the one factor that no one seems to look at is that this is the one thing in my life that i really have very little control over.
I have told people over and over and over again. I refuse to pretend to be someone I am not. No one wins in that situation. No one comes out on top. Yes, i may be married for 5 minutes. But I know myself. I know that I am not the kinda person who will just sit there and take it from a relationship that is superficial and stifling.
Marriage for the sake of marriage just isn't the goal for me. You don't need to remind me that you want grand-kids or that you want to tell people that you have news for once. This is MY life. I WANT kids, I want to be happy and there is only so much i can sacrifice for someone else.
Yes, it would be lovely for me to meet someone who just came in and swept me off my feet. Who was intelligent, Persian, funny, adventurous, learned, witty, "frum but with it", someone from out of town who understand why I cannot imagine ever raising my family in NYC...yes all those things would be lovely.
Of course we all have to settle, we have to compromise, and no one is perfect, you marry the person you deserve..all this is true and I am acutely aware, but please please stop trying to sell me off. Stop with the guilt trips. Stop making this MY FAULT! Because you know what..it is not.
Gd is in control, this is His world and I am just living in it. Just a puppet in His play. I am doing the best with the challenges that He has given me. My "rich white girl problems" are the ones that I am dealing with. Maybe I should be a better person and take on more..but I cant, please understand
its gotten to the point where people just look and me and they pity me. I am almost 26, not married with no prospects in sight and I have been told that people think
im not serious,
my resume is all wrong,
i dress wrong,
i dont meet enough people,
hmm what other reasons can we come up with..
i dont meet enough shadchanim,
my hair is too short,
its too long,
im too frum ,
im not frum enough,
the boys are picky,
i'm picky
im too smart
i intimidate
im asking for too much
my biological clock is ticking
....
the list goes on and on and on bemoaning the many reasons of my single hood..yet the one factor that no one seems to look at is that this is the one thing in my life that i really have very little control over.
I have told people over and over and over again. I refuse to pretend to be someone I am not. No one wins in that situation. No one comes out on top. Yes, i may be married for 5 minutes. But I know myself. I know that I am not the kinda person who will just sit there and take it from a relationship that is superficial and stifling.
Marriage for the sake of marriage just isn't the goal for me. You don't need to remind me that you want grand-kids or that you want to tell people that you have news for once. This is MY life. I WANT kids, I want to be happy and there is only so much i can sacrifice for someone else.
Yes, it would be lovely for me to meet someone who just came in and swept me off my feet. Who was intelligent, Persian, funny, adventurous, learned, witty, "frum but with it", someone from out of town who understand why I cannot imagine ever raising my family in NYC...yes all those things would be lovely.
Of course we all have to settle, we have to compromise, and no one is perfect, you marry the person you deserve..all this is true and I am acutely aware, but please please stop trying to sell me off. Stop with the guilt trips. Stop making this MY FAULT! Because you know what..it is not.
Gd is in control, this is His world and I am just living in it. Just a puppet in His play. I am doing the best with the challenges that He has given me. My "rich white girl problems" are the ones that I am dealing with. Maybe I should be a better person and take on more..but I cant, please understand
I commiserate. I know how hard it is. You described it well. All those people who think they know better when they know nothing.
ReplyDeleteI love how you threw in your "shidduch resume" there at the end. Maybe someone will come up with an idea.
Just keep going and believe that it will happen and it will be awesome. Be'ezrat Hashem you will have good news to share with us very soon..
ha! that wasnt intentional but hey your right you never know..my mom would be so happy :P
DeleteAmen, sister.
ReplyDeletePeople who got married at 21, no problem, and their marriages worked don't understand. They can't. If I got married at 21 I would probably think the same way about what I currently am, 28, single, and "shooting myself in the foot."
Do they think that kind, intelligent, hard-working, frum boys just grow on trees? This past year for me has been a killer date-wise.
Then I feel guilty for feeling frustrated, for the "rich white girl problems" as you put it. We can only turn to Hashem for comfort, hope, and the faith that as He wants the Jewish nation to continue, we women require husbands we can respect and who respect us, and He has them lined up.
its amazing that those who are in it really all feel the same way and those not just dont get it despite all their best intentions..but yes its in GDs hands and there really is nothing else to do
Delete