the ugly truth
What does one say? What is there to say?
I feel compelled to write about it. It almost seems flippant if I don't.
On the other hand, how does once reduce such a horrific event to words?
I was on the train yesterday, and all these people were going about their days..listening to music, playing candy crush, watching the latest episode of "Orange is the New Black" and I wanted to shout!
DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!
HOW CAN YOU JUST GO ABOUT YOUR DAY!!
but the truth is, I also had to just go about my day. I had to study I had to go to school. My life was basically the same as it usually is. Nothing really different. I couldn't afford the time to be down and depressed.
As callous as it sounds..there really wasn't much for me to do at that point and I had to do what i had to do, much to my dismay.
the other truth is that people are dying everyday. There are people of all walks of life dying from things as simple as the flu, to stage 4 brain cancer. Children dying of malnutrition and malaria. Babies dying of bacterial infections. People are trafficked, children are kidnapped, girls and boys are raped. There is spousal abuse, child abuse, elder abuse.. the list just goes on and on and on.
The truth is that the world is a terrible place. I stopped reading the news. Its too much. I cant handle. There is so much evil in the world. So much death. So much sadness. How dare I get up in the morning and watch a dumb YouTube video when right here in my own city, children don't have food to eat? when a mother sits in the hospital praying that her child opens her eyes?!
How do I dare have the gall, the audacity to complain about a difficult school schedule? How do i have the chutpzpa to complain about my precious few hours of sleep, when there are people who never sleep, people who are up all night holding the hands of their loved ones never knowing which moment will be their last?
these questions plague me. I don't know. But another truth...is that we cant possibly care. We cant live our lives in the shadows of death. It is all around us, all you have to do is watch the news.
We are biologically tuned to care more for those that we are related to.
so why did this affect me more than any other news or school stabbings or yet another story of teenage rape?
its simple, these boys are our boys, my brothers, as distant as they are from me geographically, we are all one family as cheezy as it sounds. It was my mothers birthday yesterday and i couldn't bear to tell her the news because i knew it would devastate her...and i thought she deserved one day all to herself.
but as much as I am affected by the tragedy...i still have to live my life. I still have tests to take, classes to attend, notes to take, charts to make. I don't sit shiva, I am listening to music...I am not outwardly mourning..I cant. Maybe if i was a better person i would..but right now..the ugly truth is that i have too much to do to stop my life.
The families of these boys are scions of strength and emunah. We always lament the fact that it takes disaster for the divided Jewish people to unite..but somehow it happens over and over and over again...we don't seem to learn our lesson and this history repeats itself.
Hashem please have mercy on our people, we cant seem to learn our lesson, please don't try to keep teaching it. We can't afford any more grief and loss.
May Hashem comfort the mourners of Tzion
I've been thinking about this too . . . there are always people who are suffering. Because this was a non-typical situation, it took the media by storm. But if we are frum Jews; is there a cosmic difference between a child dying from an illness and a child being murdered? Everything is Hashem's Will, right?
ReplyDeleteBecause we are so interconnected nowadays, we are constantly inundated with bad news from all over the world. Once you lived in a small town, and six months later a letter would come relating a tragedy. From the next town.
Since we are trying to fend off a deluge of tehillim requests and shiver-inducing news stories, we have to numb ourselves in order to live normal, everyday lives. It's a delicate balance, to maintain one's sensitivity to others' pain yet not be a sobbing depressant. It's a new challenge, and we have to figure it out.
PL-you are right. We hear bad news and crazy stories all the time because we are so connected to news sources and news travels fast. We need to numb ourselves so we aren't drawn into a depression from every story we hear. But I think, this story was different. The Jewish People joined together and davened for these boys for more than two weeks, checking for updates every day to see if maybe they were found. This wasn't just another story. It makes sense that it would affect many of us differently-on a different level. It's very sad. It may take time for some of us to move on and get past this.
Delete(My comment got deleted the first time I tried posting. I'll try again...)
ReplyDeleteThis story is so incredibly sad.
I just want to comment on one thing you said. You felt that if you were a better person, maybe you would be mourning outwardly and not going on with your life. You have too much to do to stop and mourn.
Really? If you were a better person?
The only ones who are obligated to sit shiva are parents, children and siblings. Did you know that there are no halachos of aveilus for grandparents? They are surely in pain. But they are not meant to sit on low stools and stay indoors for a week while people come and try to offer words of comfort. They may listen to music (even though they don't feel like getting up and dancing to lively tunes), cut their nails and hair and buy new clothing. These halachos are only given to the immediate family. Close relatives-aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews, friends and neighbors-none of them have laws of mourning that they must keep.
It's not about being a better person. It's about following the laws the Torah set forth for us. There is a reason why only very close family sits and mourns and others do not. The rest of us must go on with our lives. Yes, we can be sad. We can even cry...as much as we need to. And we can try to do a little something to remember these three very special souls. But mourning as a sign of being better? It's not what it's about.