Flying Solo
I have never really known how to be a friend.
I know how to take care of people. I know how to be there for you. I am an excellent martyr. I will sacrifice my own time, money, well being...etc. to help a friend.
But, too many times, its too much. The other person gets overwhelmed. She can't/ won't go to the lengths that I will, so then I start to be resentful.
I have massive insecurity.
I was never a person that made friends easily. The nerdy kid in the class. The one in the corner with the book. People scare me. So I am a people pleaser. I will bend over backwards because I am afraid that I will lose the friendship. I want to prove myself invaluable.
And the truth is, I like helping. I like being there. I like knowing that people know that they can call me at any point of night or day and I will be there.
I have gotten better. Over the past few years I have started slowly putting my phone on silent when I go to sleep. I stopped going to things I know I wouldn't enjoy. I started saying no, where previously I would have said yes. I am doing better.
All that being said, I still don't know what normal friendship looks like. What are the normal boundaries? What is close? What is co-dependent? What is taking advantage?
First step is admitting you have a problem.
This is one of the things I started to discuss at therapy last week.
My parents never had friends. They did not have anyone they were close to besides family. My father was forever wary of my friends. He would always tell me, " friends come and go family is forever." I also believe that friends are the family we choose. I am always in this conundrum that I want friends but I am scared of meeting people. I am a little of an intellectual snob. I don't click with most people. I also tend to have social anxiety. Most of the "friends" I have aren't actually my friends. They are my roommate's friends that I adopted as my social circle.
its hard. especially when the two people I call friends … are insanely busy at all times.
that's my story ladies and gents.
I know how to take care of people. I know how to be there for you. I am an excellent martyr. I will sacrifice my own time, money, well being...etc. to help a friend.
But, too many times, its too much. The other person gets overwhelmed. She can't/ won't go to the lengths that I will, so then I start to be resentful.
I have massive insecurity.
I was never a person that made friends easily. The nerdy kid in the class. The one in the corner with the book. People scare me. So I am a people pleaser. I will bend over backwards because I am afraid that I will lose the friendship. I want to prove myself invaluable.
And the truth is, I like helping. I like being there. I like knowing that people know that they can call me at any point of night or day and I will be there.
I have gotten better. Over the past few years I have started slowly putting my phone on silent when I go to sleep. I stopped going to things I know I wouldn't enjoy. I started saying no, where previously I would have said yes. I am doing better.
All that being said, I still don't know what normal friendship looks like. What are the normal boundaries? What is close? What is co-dependent? What is taking advantage?
First step is admitting you have a problem.
This is one of the things I started to discuss at therapy last week.
My parents never had friends. They did not have anyone they were close to besides family. My father was forever wary of my friends. He would always tell me, " friends come and go family is forever." I also believe that friends are the family we choose. I am always in this conundrum that I want friends but I am scared of meeting people. I am a little of an intellectual snob. I don't click with most people. I also tend to have social anxiety. Most of the "friends" I have aren't actually my friends. They are my roommate's friends that I adopted as my social circle.
its hard. especially when the two people I call friends … are insanely busy at all times.
that's my story ladies and gents.
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you know what to do....