Sick Enough
So, I started therapy today.
Finally, right?
I have been talking about it for a long time, seems like an eternity. It was more than two years ago that I sat down with my friend and went through multiple choices of different therapists. I made an appointment for intake, which was of course months in advance. I remember the sheer anticipation. But then I had to reschedule because my cousin passed away suddenly and his funeral was the same day as the intake. It was impossible to get in touch with anyone to reschedule- so that was that.
Then life got in the way. I graduated. I started working . I started traveling. The depressive moments of PA school faded into the sepia colored memories of the hell that was PA school.
The rose colored glasses slipped every once in a while. Moments when I would have to be alone with my thoughts and feelings and it was hella scary. I did everything I could to distract myself. Music playing at all times. But honestly, most of the time I was actually what I would call happy. I had a busy social life. I was doing well at work. I was working out. I had a nice wine collection. I was busy every night. But then, the tears would come. The nights I cried into my pillow, half hoping no one heard me, half hoping some did hear me and they would come to me.
So finally, after prescribing therapy to so many patients. After espousing the many benefits that therapy has to countless patients...and after much urging from the people in my life who love me, I decided to try again. It took many phone calls. Many internet searches. I finally got an appointment for intake...in 3 weeks. The another month for my first appointment.
You know what kills me. How hard it is for people to find a therapist. How its damn near impossible to get good mental health without paying an arm and a leg. As a prescriber of Tylenol and Motrin all day long, it frustrates me that my patients cannot get access to mental health facilities the same way. It recently occurred to me, just as we have yearly physicals we need annual mental health checks. Why do we have to wait until it gets so bad? Why do we have to wait until the cutting starts? The starving oneself? Why is it that we brush it off and say- that its not so bad..I don't really need therapy??
Why is there no preventative mental health check points in place? Yes, I understand as a PCP it is my job to look for it, but when was the last time anyone answered honestly? When was the last time you had more than 5 minutes with your PCP before he/she rushed out?
Mental health needs prevention. It needs to be standard. Why must we wait for more catastrophes? Why do we keep waiting for people to be "sick enough" to get help?
Finally, right?
I have been talking about it for a long time, seems like an eternity. It was more than two years ago that I sat down with my friend and went through multiple choices of different therapists. I made an appointment for intake, which was of course months in advance. I remember the sheer anticipation. But then I had to reschedule because my cousin passed away suddenly and his funeral was the same day as the intake. It was impossible to get in touch with anyone to reschedule- so that was that.
Then life got in the way. I graduated. I started working . I started traveling. The depressive moments of PA school faded into the sepia colored memories of the hell that was PA school.
The rose colored glasses slipped every once in a while. Moments when I would have to be alone with my thoughts and feelings and it was hella scary. I did everything I could to distract myself. Music playing at all times. But honestly, most of the time I was actually what I would call happy. I had a busy social life. I was doing well at work. I was working out. I had a nice wine collection. I was busy every night. But then, the tears would come. The nights I cried into my pillow, half hoping no one heard me, half hoping some did hear me and they would come to me.
So finally, after prescribing therapy to so many patients. After espousing the many benefits that therapy has to countless patients...and after much urging from the people in my life who love me, I decided to try again. It took many phone calls. Many internet searches. I finally got an appointment for intake...in 3 weeks. The another month for my first appointment.
You know what kills me. How hard it is for people to find a therapist. How its damn near impossible to get good mental health without paying an arm and a leg. As a prescriber of Tylenol and Motrin all day long, it frustrates me that my patients cannot get access to mental health facilities the same way. It recently occurred to me, just as we have yearly physicals we need annual mental health checks. Why do we have to wait until it gets so bad? Why do we have to wait until the cutting starts? The starving oneself? Why is it that we brush it off and say- that its not so bad..I don't really need therapy??
Why is there no preventative mental health check points in place? Yes, I understand as a PCP it is my job to look for it, but when was the last time anyone answered honestly? When was the last time you had more than 5 minutes with your PCP before he/she rushed out?
Mental health needs prevention. It needs to be standard. Why must we wait for more catastrophes? Why do we keep waiting for people to be "sick enough" to get help?
Yep - the struggle is so real. I recently graduated a mental health related masters program where during that time - I had a mental health crisis.
ReplyDeleteone of my long term goals is to help make mental health more of a acceptable thing to focus on. Our brains and mental space are just as important as our physical body.
Don't know where you are located, but i recently found a service called headway.co that is located in NYC that gave me a lead in way of finding a more affordable therapist
This comment has been removed by the author.
Delete