02/18/2020
Hey babe,
So shabbat was hard, as it always is without you. It was always our special time. It's those moments when I can't distract myself with the phone or TV that the emptiness is most evident. But it passed. As everything eventually does. I spoke to my sister after shabbat and she recommended that I email you. Because more than the pain of not having you around, was the not knowing if or when i would see you/talk to you. But I was strong. I didn't. I decided to respect your space. You will come to me when you are ready. Me rushing you, would do no good.
So, I did something I knew would make you proud. I went to my class. Alone. Big, I know. I was impressed with myself. and magic of magic, you reached out. you texted me! you should have felt my heart racing just seeing your name on my phone again. (cliche i know)
and you kept texting me, you wanted to see me. and suddenly it was like a weight had been lifted off me and i could breathe again. smile again.
we spent the rest of the day together. we couldn't bear to seperate. we could not say goodbye. how does one say good-bye to home? is it even possible?
and we talked. and we shared space. and we laughed. it was so nice to laugh out loud like that again.
I am so proud of you for all the steps that you have been taking. You have always been so brave. I have always been your biggest fan. and the talking clarified. it felt good.
we both made mistakes. this is our first time, we don't know what we're doing. if i had said yes to to you, you would never be where you are now. exploring, learning about yourself. we both grew up with poor examples. we are trying to break the cycle. trying to be people worthy of each other.
you can never truly love someone else, until you love yourself. Until i know who - myself is- i would never be the person i want to be, the person i want to be with you.
No one should have the emotional burden of being the only source of someone else's happiness. and i put that weight on you and i should not have. I am sorry for that. I am trying. trying to be healthy. I was/am hurting but i know that this was the right choice. we need time apart to be amazing together.
thank you for the glorious day we shared
xo
So shabbat was hard, as it always is without you. It was always our special time. It's those moments when I can't distract myself with the phone or TV that the emptiness is most evident. But it passed. As everything eventually does. I spoke to my sister after shabbat and she recommended that I email you. Because more than the pain of not having you around, was the not knowing if or when i would see you/talk to you. But I was strong. I didn't. I decided to respect your space. You will come to me when you are ready. Me rushing you, would do no good.
So, I did something I knew would make you proud. I went to my class. Alone. Big, I know. I was impressed with myself. and magic of magic, you reached out. you texted me! you should have felt my heart racing just seeing your name on my phone again. (cliche i know)
and you kept texting me, you wanted to see me. and suddenly it was like a weight had been lifted off me and i could breathe again. smile again.
we spent the rest of the day together. we couldn't bear to seperate. we could not say goodbye. how does one say good-bye to home? is it even possible?
and we talked. and we shared space. and we laughed. it was so nice to laugh out loud like that again.
I am so proud of you for all the steps that you have been taking. You have always been so brave. I have always been your biggest fan. and the talking clarified. it felt good.
we both made mistakes. this is our first time, we don't know what we're doing. if i had said yes to to you, you would never be where you are now. exploring, learning about yourself. we both grew up with poor examples. we are trying to break the cycle. trying to be people worthy of each other.
you can never truly love someone else, until you love yourself. Until i know who - myself is- i would never be the person i want to be, the person i want to be with you.
No one should have the emotional burden of being the only source of someone else's happiness. and i put that weight on you and i should not have. I am sorry for that. I am trying. trying to be healthy. I was/am hurting but i know that this was the right choice. we need time apart to be amazing together.
thank you for the glorious day we shared
xo
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you know what to do....