wants

what is it that i want?

it was easier for you to tell me what you want and for me to make it happen. It scared me to think about what i want. because i dont know.

it was always easier to live the life prescribed for me. i just did what was asked of me. i went to good schools. got good grades, got a good career.  but somehow the recipe didnt work for me.  i often yearn for a simpler life. a+b=c. right? if only

what the hell is it that i want?

i know what i dont want

i know i dont want to be my parents

i know that i dont want life to pass me by

i know that i dont want to this insecure and co-dependant.

i know that i want to have LIVED.

i know that i want to be good at what i do

I want to be strong

i know i want to help people, make their lives better.

i know that i want to love myself.

do i want to be married? Do i want to have kids? i don't know.

i want to travel - see the world. that i have always wanted

i want to be someone people are proud to know

i want to ride a motorcycle

i want to not give a F*ck what people think

i want to know that my parents are happy; that my siblings are healthy

i want to be content with me. 

 i want to be financially independent

i want to be able to have a conversation with my parents without feeling like im stepping on eggshells

what is it that i want from us? i don't know. i feel like its my insecurity, thinking that i cannot do this life without you. but that's not true. i know people think of me as  this super confident strong smart person that can do anything. but it's very nice that i can do anything. what am actually doing?  nothing. i have been very comfortable living at the status quo. and that's scary. because we all know that your not actually accomplishing if your not married with kids. your just biding time. waiting for your real life. I HATE THAT. i don't believe that in my brain, but some how my heart has not yet caught up. But isn't that the problem always. its simple to logically grasp concepts. to internalize....that's a different story.

you have ambitions for me. i want to know them. i want to fulfill them. I am not an idea man. Give me a task- I will do it. making goals. what if i make the wrong choice?

i know i know, no choice is a choice.

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