Tis the Season

The root of the word "ahavah" is "hav" which means to give. This is a well known point that is brought up and every sheva brachot. Loving someone comes from giving..and if you do not love someone yet but want to feel love for her/him..start giving and don't stop..just keep giving your time, effort as well as your tefiilot and soon you will feel attached to this person in a way that is immeasurable.

There are many kinds of love. there's romantic love... friendship love...parental love. They all have different ramifications but there is the one thread that connects them all..they all develop from giving (well maybe not puppy love but that is more infatuation that actual real lasting love...) 
So we have established that love is about giving. R'Krohn has this amazing line that marriage is not about finding the perfect partner it is about being the perfect partner. I feel that the same wisdom and philosophies that are usually directed at marriage can be applied to any relationship. 

In any relationship, there is a constant give and take. It is fluid and moving..never frozen. I have needs, you have needs..we both try to give to each other in the best way that we can. ( I have previously written extensively on friendship check it out here) No one is a mind reader..so sometimes we have to ask our friend/spouse for the things that we need. They would love to give it to you..if they only knew. Hence, the importance of communication in any relationship. Without communication their is failure. 

But what happens if what you want,  the other cannot give? What if they do not have what you want? Is there a point in asking for it? Should you ask for it? What if it is something that they do have..but it is extremely difficult for them to do what you want/need? You know that if you tell the other that you NEED it and that you feel unloved and lonely without it that he/she will do what it takes even if it means doing something they are uncomfortable with. and you do not want to put the other in a distressing situation because you love them and do not want them to be even in the slightest way unhappy? 

So where is the line, at what point do you put away your own needs to make others comfortable? To make the one you love happy..how much of your own (for lack of better word) needs can you put on the back burner?

Comments

  1. AnonymousFebruary 11, 2011 at 10:54 AM

    Re. friendship love; I read a great line, A good friend will bail you out of jail, a best friend will be in the next cell laughing about the great time you had.
    I dont think there is a 'line' where you say that you have to go until there. It depends on both people. There are some people that I would do anything for, and I know would do the same for me. there are people whom i quite literally have placed my life in their hands. It is something which is fully dependent on the 'neediness' of both 'partners'.

    Life On A Cotton Ball: Classic Corrections

    ReplyDelete
  2. aminspirationFebruary 11, 2011 at 12:59 PM

    I've heard that quote before also...it is funny..

    it is true..it does all depend but what i was wondering was is there a breaking point ever?

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

you know what to do....

Popular posts from this blog

My plane broke!

Man alive do i have a story for you! So i was supposed to go to isreal wednesday, i was flying direct and i was all excited that i was gonna have a normal flight. i had no problems with security i get on the plane i sit in my seat, get my book out. everyone is filing in. they do the whole security thing, turn off the lights we all settle in, i even turn off my beloved ipod. all of sudden they turn the lights back on, and they aer telling us that the plane is BROKEN! and that they haev to do sheet metal repair. so they give us an option to get off the plane and go through security again or we can stay on the plane and in an hour the well just move us to the next plain. now with my previous experience do yoiu thinki i believd them? uhuhuhuh! so i get off settle down with my book and get comfirtable . i call my parets to tell them what teh story was. so my father tell me to ask if i can change my flight to sun night cuz we had a seuda last night at my house and i was gonna miss it. so i c...
Read more

To Study or Not to Study?

I love Friday. I love the feeling that Shabbat is coming. Shabbos is a day like no other.. and that means that erev Shabbat is by association just as special. About a year and a half a go...maybe longer...I started buying flowers " lekavod shabbat kodesh!"  In seminary, Rabbi Geisler told us something that really stuck with me. He said that he does not buy his wife flowers on Friday. He and his wife go and buy flowers for Shabbat together. Rav Shimshon Pincus, in his sefer on Shabbat, also talks about flowers. He says that he went to the store to buy flowers for Shabbat. He went to the roses. Only the best for Shabbat. Only the best for the Queen. But he couldn't decide how many to get. A dozen. two dozen..there is no value for Shabbat. Maybe he should just buy them all? In the end he bought three roses; one for each of the avot, which in turn correspond to the three meals of Shabbat. The greatness of Shabbat is often ignored, trampled on. R'Pincus explains tha...
Read more