so it continues...
So- the un-sureness continues. And its debilitating. I want to stay. I want to strike out. I want to make a splash. I want to stay hidden. I wanna say Eff it. I want to be cautious. I want to be an adult. I want to revel in my youth. I never really thought I had dreams. I am scared to have dreams. Having dreams I am not pursuing means I am a coward. It means I am a failure. It means that I am just like millions of others who have settled in their lives. I am just one more person that has settled for a life of mediocrity. I am terrified. Terrified of not living. Terrified of just passing time. Terrified of just passing this world, being-meh. Terrified of becoming my parents. Terrified that I have lost my Judaism. Terrified that it seems to be slipping away. Terrified of becoming the cliche older single. Terrified that I no longer have the zeal for its study. Terrified that I am becoming another rote Jew. Terrified that I actually cannot summon the desire to do anythin