AM Inspiration

Things don't always come out the way you want. You envision an entire outfit and you get all excited..til you try it and you realize that its a no go. Try again. An artist is working on a painting..for weeks and months..and then all of a sudden it hits him-this is not working. He rips it up, wipes the canvas clean. Its been a whole year. A year of success and failures Highs and lows. Lots of plateaus. Its hard, to come to judgment day. In my siddur i had a list of things that i wanted to correct, i could maybe cross off two things off that that list. It was written in 2004. That's a long time ago very little change. Yes, Gd cares about quality not quantity. But there has to be a reason that so little change has happened in such a long time. When a building is crooked, no matter how much u try to explain it away..its not going to correct itself. You need to tear the building down, go back to the foundation. Refocus, Regroup and Rebuild. My first semester of PA sch...

in·dif·fer·ent    [in-dif-er-uhnt, -dif-ruhnt] adjective 1.without interest or concern; not caring; apathetic: his indifferent attitude toward the suffering of others. 2. impartial; disinterested. 3.neither good nor bad in character or quality; average; routine: an indifferent specimen. 4.not particularly good, important, etc.; unremarkable; unnotable: an indifferent success; an indifferent performance. Indifference is scary. To be so apathetic that nothing matters anymore is ironically quite pathetic. I think I realize what (one of ) my issue  is. I've given up. I'm indifferent. I am no longer passionate about growing about becoming closer to Hashem. The details, the aidelkeit- the refinement of Judaism that I worked so hard to learn appreciate and to some aspect achieve is lost. I'm back to the bare bones. I daven when I'm supposed to and wear the right clothes but I've lost the sense of delicacy and refinement that is so seminal to growth of a Ba...

i'm not afraid to fall it means i climbed up high to fall is not to fail  you fail when you don't try i'm not afraid to fall i might just learn to fly and i will spread these wings of mine if i get up i might fall back down again so lets get up c'mon if i get up i might fall back down again we get up anyway if i get up i might fall back down again so lets get up c'mon if i get up i might fall back down again and i might fall back down again and we'll just jump and see even if its the 20th time we'll just jump and see if we can fly I have fallen.  Physically more recently, and spiritually as well.  I went ice skating on Monday. I'm not a huge fan but I usually have a good time when i go. Going around, i fell. Ok that is to be expected, im not exactly a figure skater extraordinaire. It hurt more than it should have, but I have knee issues, and i fell on my knees..so whatever its normal.  I managed to fall three times over the course of my f...