AM Inspiration

Another fast day..come and almost gone Fast days are always hard because I am never sure what I am supposed to be doing. I am supposed to be using the fasting as a way to spiritually elevate yourself. I am supposed to be sad. But mostly i feel lost. Today..I have an awful headache. But do i feel spiritual? Do I feel closer to G-d? No. Mostly feel like an epic fail. I can listen to shiurim. I can choose not to listen to music... But still the day is lost on me. Another 11 minutes.. I am supposed to grow through the day not go through the day.. I wish i could

My grandfather is currently in a rehab facility. Every time I go to see him it is simply depressing. I often think about getting older..getting old. What will i be like? Will I still have purpose in my life? Will   I be working? Involved in the community? Will I still be pretty? Will I be in good health? Good shape? Will I have anyone to care for me? Will I end up alone rotting away in a nursing home waiting for death to come? Its morbid I know. But really. My grandparents came to this country the year I was born. They moved to the States because all their children were here. In Iran they were at the top. Here...they are foreigners. They have heavily accented English. They do not work. They are not involved in the community. They spend their days watching Persian TV, at the gym, sleeping, eating and maybe some gardening. It always struck me that they really basically do nothing all day. But this year, Erev Rosh Hashana my grandfather woke up unable to move his right leg. The day