AM Inspiration

in·dif·fer·ent    [in-dif-er-uhnt, -dif-ruhnt] adjective 1.without interest or concern; not caring; apathetic: his indifferent attitude toward the suffering of others. 2. impartial; disinterested. 3.neither good nor bad in character or quality; average; routine: an indifferent specimen. 4.not particularly good, important, etc.; unremarkable; unnotable: an indifferent success; an indifferent performance. Indifference is scary. To be so apathetic that nothing matters anymore is ironically quite pathetic. I think I realize what (one of ) my issue  is. I've given up. I'm indifferent. I am no longer passionate about growing about becoming closer to Hashem. The details, the aidelkeit- the refinement of Judaism that I worked so hard to learn appreciate and to some aspect achieve is lost. I'm back to the bare bones. I daven when I'm supposed to and wear the right clothes but I've lost the sense of delicacy and refinement that is so seminal to growth of a Ba...

I never thought I would be lonely. There have been rare occasions in my life until now that I have experienced such a sense of loneliness. There is no one to talk to when I get home at night. I can't call my parents and complain about how hard it is because they'll just take it harder than me and feel worse that I am so far away from home. There is no one to give me a hug when I'm down. There is no one to make me dinner when I'm just too tired to cook. There are no left overs in the fridge to just grab. There is no one around to bounce ideas off. There is no one to ask if my outfit looks good. These shoes or these? No one to offer solicited or unsolicited advice. There is no one to practice blood pressure on. No one's eyes I can look into with my ophthalmoscope. I never felt the need for Facebook till now. I considered it for a second, should I sign back in? That tells you how desperate I've been for some sense of social in...

I don't think I would've done it any better. This is the time of year where give an exact accounting for all our moments, all our actions, all our words. This  is a great list of questions compiled by Shocked! to help us lead the way.

Elul is such a scary time. Every year it creeps up on me. I have no idea how its Elul already. I have no idea where the time went. During Elul, I start being hyper critical of myself. How could I not be learning? How could  I miss davening? its ELUL! but it happens. We are still human during this month. We do not magically transform into super-people on Rosh Chodesh as much as we would like to. I'm in college again. I'm sitting in a room full of people I would not necessarily pick to be my friends hour after hour, day after day. The influences are not the greatest. But I cannot help it. I cannot force them to use cleaner language. I cannot force them not to make dirty jokes. I cannot change any of those things. When I was in college at home, it didn't seem to be such a problem. Maybe I didn't spend as much time with the people in my classes. Maybe people in the south are just more polite. I don't know. All I know is that I have all these 4 letter words r...

"If you want to catch beasts you don't see every day, You have to go places quite out of the way, You have to go places no others can get to. You have to get cold and you have too get wet, too." —  Dr. Seuss I think this is very applicable now in the days of Elul. If we want to fight the Yetzer Hara you have to go look in places that are not comfortable. It gonna take us into the deepest and darkest part of us. Places that we have locked up eons ago..determined to forget. But they don't go away. They just stew. They simmer and eventually it may boil over. This is a fight that we have to do. No one can do it for you. We can ask for advice, but no one is going to go into your deep, dank and dark cellar and fight the fight for you. Its not comfortable. Its not easy. There is a reason that we have stored it away for so long. There is a reason that it has been under lock and key for years on end. We have to get cold and wet. There may be tears. We may need to get...

 I am honored to have Nechama Ralsk, the author of Words From The Soul    guest post. So show your love by commenting, leaving feedback...you know what to do.. Words  you say them without thinking, not aimed to wound the heart, but simply unfiltered, you didn't mean it, regretted it rather quickly, but it was just a joke, after all, right? they laugh right along with you, but they are crying inside, words once thrown away, can never be retrieved. On a separate note-  would you rather say something and regret it? or regret not saying something you should have?

The Shul Without a Clock.. The Room Without a Mirror... My room does not have a mirror. Its strange. I have always had a mirror. My room at home has huge mirror, almost the size of the whole wall. I even bought a mirror for my new apartment. But last Thursday, it fell off the wall. That's right, my $4 mirror from Target which I so lovingly picked for my room..it matched my linen and everything..shattered! It got sent out with the banana peels and egg shells. My life has been a whirlwind since moving. new state. new mode of transport ( no car for me here). I have to make my own lunch and dinner. If I don't buy groceries there is no food. no clean clothes if i don't do laundry. The earthquake, the hurricane..the weirdos on the subway..its cultural overload. It mostly has been OK. I'm taking it day my day. BH, so far so good. but then that darn mirror had to go and fall. There is some debate among my dearest and nearest whether I am girly or not. But despite all...