AM Inspiration

in·dif·fer·ent    [in-dif-er-uhnt, -dif-ruhnt] adjective 1.without interest or concern; not caring; apathetic: his indifferent attitude toward the suffering of others. 2. impartial; disinterested. 3.neither good nor bad in character or quality; average; routine: an indifferent specimen. 4.not particularly good, important, etc.; unremarkable; unnotable: an indifferent success; an indifferent performance. Indifference is scary. To be so apathetic that nothing matters anymore is ironically quite pathetic. I think I realize what (one of ) my issue  is. I've given up. I'm indifferent. I am no longer passionate about growing about becoming closer to Hashem. The details, the aidelkeit- the refinement of Judaism that I worked so hard to learn appreciate and to some aspect achieve is lost. I'm back to the bare bones. I daven when I'm supposed to and wear the right clothes but I've lost the sense of delicacy and refinement that is so seminal to growth of a Ba...

The last post got me thinking about the heart on a different level.  We often refer to the heart as the source of our emotions, our spirituality. In essence it is our life source on so many levels.  A defective heart has catastrophic ramifications. Someone who is emotionally stunted will have difficulty with relationships. A spiritually defective heart will have a hard time connecting to G-d, to one's own spirituality. No one needs me to go into the myriad of problems that come about for a person that has a physical defect.  We all do things to make sure we keep "heart healthy." We eat our cheerios, exercise. We carefully guard who we let in and who we don't. Spiritually, the Torah gives us guidelines. What will keep our hearts healthy. Clearly, keeping the mitzvos all 613 of them, maintain the strength of our heart, it allows for us to maintain a relationship with G-d. But there are certain mitzvos we know that define us as Jews. Certain mi...

Things tend to play out differently then you expected. Life is funny like that. We have these dreams and ideas of what will be. We think we know ... Exactly what kind of person we want to marry What kind of person we want to be when we grow up Where we want to live How we want to live We have dreams and aspirations of what the future holds. Its good. We should aspire. We should dream. We need to have some kind of road map. But happens on those days when you just feel lost? What happens to those days when the floor just falls out from underneath you? Those days when you realize that this is not the life i dreamed for myself. How did I get here? Where ever here may be... Sometimes we get to the place we've always wanted to get to..and we just can't believe that we made it here! How in heaven's name did this actually happen?Sometimes we are plagued with self doubt. I always said this is what I want to do..can i really do it? Am I good enough?Is everyone else better ...

"If you want to catch beasts you don't see every day, You have to go places quite out of the way, You have to go places no others can get to. You have to get cold and you have too get wet, too." —  Dr. Seuss I think this is very applicable now in the days of Elul. If we want to fight the Yetzer Hara you have to go look in places that are not comfortable. It gonna take us into the deepest and darkest part of us. Places that we have locked up eons ago..determined to forget. But they don't go away. They just stew. They simmer and eventually it may boil over. This is a fight that we have to do. No one can do it for you. We can ask for advice, but no one is going to go into your deep, dank and dark cellar and fight the fight for you. Its not comfortable. Its not easy. There is a reason that we have stored it away for so long. There is a reason that it has been under lock and key for years on end. We have to get cold and wet. There may be tears. We may need to get...

I have too much time to think. Sitting on the subway on the way to school, sitting in traffic, waiting to fall asleep, pretending to do homework..all opportunities to think and sometimes its too much.  We live in an age where distraction is all too easy and all too common. There is a land called Procrastination and I am its queen. I cannot do only one thing at a time. During class,  I have my ipod with me, and I'm constantly checking if someone, anyone is online to talk to. When I do homework I have my music playing, maybe a shiur, chatting with someone else at the same time..I'm always looking to do one more thing. Distraction comes all too easily.  They tell us that our generation does not think anymore. We just do. Nike makes a fortune off their motto " just do it." Sprite tells us to " quench our thirst." There is no room for making a calculated decisions. Do it an do it now! The Yetzer Hara's greatest weapon is too keep us too busy. Busy with m...