are u sleep walking?
o this past week has been my official spring break and whilst my college counterparts were frolicking in teh sun in cancun, miami, and other below the state ling destinations urrs truly was here hard at work! i believe that i actually got less sleep than i usually do this week and somehow managed not to accomplish most of the things on my to do list! how that happened im not sure - time flys itu really does and that complemented by my extreme talents as a procrastinator..well that will do it i guess..but i still have today to accomplish so here's to hoping! ive recently discoverd the joys of working a 9-5 job and what is even more glorious abt it is that i dont even get paid, i am currently volunteering at a docs office trying to get my hours if experience i need before i apply to pa school so this is what i do, while trying to maintain a steady workout schedule , some studying time, helping clean for passover, and the like..(sounds like my life is busy eh?) anywaysy trying to focus on something here i was incredibly tired last night ( as usual) so i set three alarms for this morning in hopes that i wud not sleep in (one of my biggest fears!) so i as quickly fell asleep, i suddenly jerked up outta bed..OMG what time is it!? im freakin out right? i grab my ipod and i dont see the hour just teh minute side :51! i start hyperventilating mentally thinking that ill just throw on a sweatshort over my pjs..and run maybe ill get there in time i decide to double check the time on my phone..BH its only 4:51 i have another hour im good..and i was asleep instantly..
this kinda connects with what i said last week plus i may have touched upon it before and if ihave ( i have a feeling i did..) i apologize..what is it that wakes up, why is it that sometimes we are jolted out of our sleep, or anything ? what makes that insatnt flash in our brain that makes us jjump. its similar to when someone has an early morning flight so she goes to sleep early but cant fall asleep for the life of her cuz she is too nervous that she is gonna over sleep and miss her flight..but then again there are the people who can sleep through anything u cant get them to be jolted outta their sleep for notin! we get nervous about things taht we care about, things that are important to us.. things that make a difference to us..personally this has happened to me many atime sometimes it may even be a day that im not working ill jolt up check the time freak out realize its only Tuesday breathe a sigh of relief then hit the pillow again (keep in mind this all happens in teh course of about two secs) there are times when this jolting sensation has saved me my job, i without realizing turn off my alarm and then go back to sleep only to jump up at 545. and then there are the times taht i have overslept and the only thing that got me hopping outta the house was becky calling me and telling m that im late and where in heavens name am i?
obviously on those days sleep was more important to me, that i just rolled over and went back to sleep, but at that point i had not yet overslept ever, i did not have the fear cuz i thought i was infallible, i always wake up on time, even in two hours of sleep im the most chipper person ull ever meet, ud never know less i told you that i didnt sleep a wink the night before..but ever since that fateful day when i woke at 615 to teh tune of beckys voice..i set three alarms every time and i experience said jolting sensation. fear can be a very helpful tool. we are told that we must have yira and ahava when it comes to our relationship with Hashem. I heard this explanation from R'Wallerstein i dont remmeber who he was quoting, he said that this means living in fear of disappointing teh one you love. we all know that the worst thing we can do is disappoint them (worst feeling ever) let them get mad, angry, whatver just please dont let them be dissapointed in me and this is true of anyone taht we respect, and admire. we dont want them to have thought badly of us and we want to live up to their expectations (within reason of course, tho sometimes our fear of disappointment leads us off teh course of reason but that is a separate point)
so my question is as follows do we live with that fear? how often are we living our lives and all of a sudden, we get that jolt! teh jolt that gets us to examine our lives to see if we are where we are supposed to be? do we live in fear of disappointing Hashem our father? are we the person that sets three alarms to make sure that he gets up in time and still is constantly re-examining himself? or are we the person who is like the dead when he sleeps, nothing can wake him, no noise no sense of consciousness? do we have the sensitives that make us aware of our world? our actions? our direction? how often do we get get jolted outta the humdrum of our lives to asses if teh direction in which im going is the right one? do we just keep goin without thinking without setting alarms, do we have roadblocks and check points set up that remind us where it is that we are headed to make sure we dont take a detour and end up in the wrong place? we need to think about this and make sure that we arent dead to teh world..we need to stop and ensure taht we have the necessary tools to ensure that we are following teh directions He gave us so we can end up exactly wher we want to be. we have to ensure that we arent sleep walking thru life we want to be awake and fully aware of where we are headed..for otherwise the results cud be disastrous!
this kinda connects with what i said last week plus i may have touched upon it before and if ihave ( i have a feeling i did..) i apologize..what is it that wakes up, why is it that sometimes we are jolted out of our sleep, or anything ? what makes that insatnt flash in our brain that makes us jjump. its similar to when someone has an early morning flight so she goes to sleep early but cant fall asleep for the life of her cuz she is too nervous that she is gonna over sleep and miss her flight..but then again there are the people who can sleep through anything u cant get them to be jolted outta their sleep for notin! we get nervous about things taht we care about, things that are important to us.. things that make a difference to us..personally this has happened to me many atime sometimes it may even be a day that im not working ill jolt up check the time freak out realize its only Tuesday breathe a sigh of relief then hit the pillow again (keep in mind this all happens in teh course of about two secs) there are times when this jolting sensation has saved me my job, i without realizing turn off my alarm and then go back to sleep only to jump up at 545. and then there are the times taht i have overslept and the only thing that got me hopping outta the house was becky calling me and telling m that im late and where in heavens name am i?
obviously on those days sleep was more important to me, that i just rolled over and went back to sleep, but at that point i had not yet overslept ever, i did not have the fear cuz i thought i was infallible, i always wake up on time, even in two hours of sleep im the most chipper person ull ever meet, ud never know less i told you that i didnt sleep a wink the night before..but ever since that fateful day when i woke at 615 to teh tune of beckys voice..i set three alarms every time and i experience said jolting sensation. fear can be a very helpful tool. we are told that we must have yira and ahava when it comes to our relationship with Hashem. I heard this explanation from R'Wallerstein i dont remmeber who he was quoting, he said that this means living in fear of disappointing teh one you love. we all know that the worst thing we can do is disappoint them (worst feeling ever) let them get mad, angry, whatver just please dont let them be dissapointed in me and this is true of anyone taht we respect, and admire. we dont want them to have thought badly of us and we want to live up to their expectations (within reason of course, tho sometimes our fear of disappointment leads us off teh course of reason but that is a separate point)
so my question is as follows do we live with that fear? how often are we living our lives and all of a sudden, we get that jolt! teh jolt that gets us to examine our lives to see if we are where we are supposed to be? do we live in fear of disappointing Hashem our father? are we the person that sets three alarms to make sure that he gets up in time and still is constantly re-examining himself? or are we the person who is like the dead when he sleeps, nothing can wake him, no noise no sense of consciousness? do we have the sensitives that make us aware of our world? our actions? our direction? how often do we get get jolted outta the humdrum of our lives to asses if teh direction in which im going is the right one? do we just keep goin without thinking without setting alarms, do we have roadblocks and check points set up that remind us where it is that we are headed to make sure we dont take a detour and end up in the wrong place? we need to think about this and make sure that we arent dead to teh world..we need to stop and ensure taht we have the necessary tools to ensure that we are following teh directions He gave us so we can end up exactly wher we want to be. we have to ensure that we arent sleep walking thru life we want to be awake and fully aware of where we are headed..for otherwise the results cud be disastrous!
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