My solution to the Shidduch Crisis
.JPG)
I don't usually write about anything Shidduch related. But I saw this today and it really captures how I view shidduchim. People have their theories and opinions about how and why and what. If i get my nose done, go to singles events, make more contacts, anything, then maybe I'll get married sooner. Compromise more. Maybe we need more incentives for shadchanim?
My theory.
G-d runs the world. He makes Shidduchim.
G-d has no crisis.
The end.
End the Shidduch crisis:
ReplyDeleteGet rid of Touro college.
People ages 18-23 should be taking classes co-ed, so that they can meet people there own age, and find people they actually can get along with.
One doesn't have to get that drastic. Because you know what? It's only a crisis for people who say it is a crisis. I just say I shouldn't be married yet - in this day and age, it's not the best thing for 18 year olds to get married. Very few are mature or ready for it. Better yet we should know ourselves before taking on a spouse.
DeleteTrue and your next comment is even more true. But Wondering Mind has a point, maybe not by targeting the Touro type in general and Im not preaching more co-ed amongst the community but if people just relaxed about it a little in appropriate situations such a shul kidush, weddings etc... it might be easier for some.
DeleteBut you;re right, it all happens in it's own time.
YES!
ReplyDeleteI keep saying that: Is there a God? According to our religion, there is. To say there is a "crisis" about anything is to say there is no God.
Thats what i keep saying. It seems to me that the entire frum world has just lost emuna. Instead of schools focusing on minute details we should focus on cultivating a stronger basis for emuna.
Deleteimagine how much better off we would be
DeleteI like that theory :).
ReplyDeletethanks! It seems so simple to me. I wish the entire community would just take a deep breath. I'm 23 and single its ridiculous for me to think that i am doomed forever. Unfortunately, so many girls at 20 start freaking out that they have passed their prime
DeleteAmazing graphic there! This reminds me of a post I wrote almost 2 years ago (wow!) based on a mashul that a friend of mine told me when I was dating: http://walkingthegreyline.blogspot.com/2010/06/hashem-ultimate-cabbie.html
ReplyDeletePretty much. Actually, one of the things I'm most grateful for is the men I didn't marry!
ReplyDelete:)
DeleteBH, I am so thankful that i have not been forced to marry any of the guys I have dated.
One day my prince will come ..at the right time
When I first read the post I completely agreed with what you wrote, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I don't believe it to be true.
ReplyDeleteWe, as a klal, are responsible (used in the loosest sense) for one another. I read a Shavuous vort that the reason that the other nations refused the Torah wasn't because of a particular mitzvah that they couldn't keep but that they couldn't bear the idea of looking out for each other. That said, it's possible (plausible perhaps?) that ya, we have generated a crisis. Having ridiculous expectations and standards imposed by society, one's self or parents can be a reason for a "crisis."
In history we've seen that groups of people and individuals can suffer because of actions of others. One example that popped into my head when I first read this post was Purim. The Jews- however many it was- messed up (define that as, in the sense that Chazal said they messed up) and because of it, we almost got destroyed.
Is it not reasonable to say that there comes a time when Hashem expects us to shape up and fix the problem (whatever that problem is) ourselves?
Chazal says that the Satan has permission to test us whenever he likes except for Yom Kippur. I once heard someone interpret that Chazal to mean that we won't have new nisyonos or be tempted by a nisayon that we're struggling with. But if the person doesn't get up for shacharis the entire year, then there's nothing to say that he won't have trouble on Yom Kippur. The point I mean to bring out is that if we dig ourselves into a hole, we have to dig ourselves out of it.
Last anecdote. Rav Avigod Miller Zt'l once told over the following story. There was a woman who nebach fell off a ladder (that wasn't in the greatest of conditions) and became paralyzed in both her legs. People who came to visit were inspired by her strength and her constant repetition of "It's what Hashem wanted; I accept it." Rav Miller (on tape) was screaming, "How dare you blame it on Hashem?!" It was your own fault!! You stepped onto the broken ladder!!!" It's the same idea here. "Blaming" Hashem for our own mistakes.
I don't mean to say that that's the case- but an argument could be made to say that, no?
I do agree that somethings the frum community has done has definitely caused issues in the shidduch system. That being said, I am not even sure if the shidduch system is the way G-d intended for us to meet our other halves. But like ZP said, if one does their proper hishtadlut and does not get caught up in the shtuyot that so many people do..then he/she has every right to the belief that Gd will bring the right one ..bshaa tova
DeleteI really liked Shocked's comment. It reminds me of a really beautiful quote: "Sometimes I want to ask G-d why He allows poverty, famine and injustice in the world, but I’m afraid He may ask me the same question."
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I do think on a personal level, after putting our ishtadlut, we need to trust in Hashem that at the right time, things will work out. I agree with Shocked in that we DO have to lower certain expectations, standards, and how marriage/dating is viewed/approached.
It is balance between taking action/ishtadlut but also having the Emunah that Hashem is watching over us and involved in our lives. How do we create change? To quote R'Orlofsky, by changing our own world and when others see how beautiful it is, they'll want to change theirs...
totally agree!
DeleteIncorporated part of this post into my latest one: http://shocked-avi.blogspot.com/2012/06/independence.html
ReplyDeleteYou get a mention and link lol
thanks!
Delete