02/06

Hi my Love,

So I found out yesterday that you called one of my friends to check in on me. at least i know your not completely cold to my pain. I tried to do the same, but your friend ignored me. Shrugs. 

I am 97% percent sure that I want to commit to you. I know that I cannot reach out to you until its 100%. You deserve more than that. I, first tho, need to commit to myself. I need to become me.  I have to find out who I am without you. I need to find out what makes me independently happy. You know that my biggest fear is becoming my parents, as well as my life passing me by.

I need to make choices. I need to choose me. I need to be my own person. and then, then i can choose to be committed to you forever like I want to be. I do not want to live this life without you. and that means, if I want you for long term- for now- i need to be apart from you. Like you said, we both have work to do.

I am trying. I will start doing things that make me happy. If i do things I enjoy, I will hopefully meet people. You know how hard that is for me.

My friend told me I should date. Just date to date. Get myself out there. Even if it is to confirm that it is YOU that i want. Because, I am scared. Scared that i am clinging to you because I'm scared that will be alone. They say it will get better. They say there are other people. shrugs.  its hard to accept that, mostly because i don't want anyone but you. But i have to try.

still missing you

Comments

  1. N2February 8, 2020 at 7:38 PM

    Many people just date to date ..many times it does not work ..rarely it works ...but if you don’t date, it won’t work ..do you have a specific expectation/criteria? Maybe changing priorities can help

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. aminspirationFebruary 9, 2020 at 6:57 PM

      easier said than done. im trying to figure out what it is that i want

      Delete
    2. N2February 11, 2020 at 4:59 PM

      I’m sure you know what you want ..you need time and help to prioritize them..don’t underestimate yourself ..you are in a good shape

      Delete

Post a Comment

you know what to do....

Popular posts from this blog

My plane broke!

Man alive do i have a story for you! So i was supposed to go to isreal wednesday, i was flying direct and i was all excited that i was gonna have a normal flight. i had no problems with security i get on the plane i sit in my seat, get my book out. everyone is filing in. they do the whole security thing, turn off the lights we all settle in, i even turn off my beloved ipod. all of sudden they turn the lights back on, and they aer telling us that the plane is BROKEN! and that they haev to do sheet metal repair. so they give us an option to get off the plane and go through security again or we can stay on the plane and in an hour the well just move us to the next plain. now with my previous experience do yoiu thinki i believd them? uhuhuhuh! so i get off settle down with my book and get comfirtable . i call my parets to tell them what teh story was. so my father tell me to ask if i can change my flight to sun night cuz we had a seuda last night at my house and i was gonna miss it. so i c
Read more

tonight

so basically it comes down to this, i dont have anyone to talk to..and i really need to get this out. A family I am close to has a son you could call " at risk." I hate labels but just so you know what Im talking about. The parents..have no clue what they are doing and are making text-book classic WRONG moves. They seem to be intent on completely pushing the kid off. Issuing ultimatums. Telling him they wouldn't care if he died. Kicking him out of the house. Yelling. Screaming. The works. The sisters reached out to me and i told them how important it is to love him, and be warm to him. To let him know that he is wanted and that they are there for him unconditionally. I mentioned in passing something you learn in Psyche 101- you can never force anyone to change..people will change when they want to. You can change yourself but that is about it. Anywhose..the crazed dad called me yelling at me that i am in no position to tell his kids anything...especially such sill
Read more