02/06

Hi my Love,

So I found out yesterday that you called one of my friends to check in on me. at least i know your not completely cold to my pain. I tried to do the same, but your friend ignored me. Shrugs. 

I am 97% percent sure that I want to commit to you. I know that I cannot reach out to you until its 100%. You deserve more than that. I, first tho, need to commit to myself. I need to become me.  I have to find out who I am without you. I need to find out what makes me independently happy. You know that my biggest fear is becoming my parents, as well as my life passing me by.

I need to make choices. I need to choose me. I need to be my own person. and then, then i can choose to be committed to you forever like I want to be. I do not want to live this life without you. and that means, if I want you for long term- for now- i need to be apart from you. Like you said, we both have work to do.

I am trying. I will start doing things that make me happy. If i do things I enjoy, I will hopefully meet people. You know how hard that is for me.

My friend told me I should date. Just date to date. Get myself out there. Even if it is to confirm that it is YOU that i want. Because, I am scared. Scared that i am clinging to you because I'm scared that will be alone. They say it will get better. They say there are other people. shrugs.  its hard to accept that, mostly because i don't want anyone but you. But i have to try.

still missing you

Comments

  1. N2February 8, 2020 at 7:38 PM

    Many people just date to date ..many times it does not work ..rarely it works ...but if you don’t date, it won’t work ..do you have a specific expectation/criteria? Maybe changing priorities can help

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. aminspirationFebruary 9, 2020 at 6:57 PM

      easier said than done. im trying to figure out what it is that i want

      Delete
    2. N2February 11, 2020 at 4:59 PM

      I’m sure you know what you want ..you need time and help to prioritize them..don’t underestimate yourself ..you are in a good shape

      Delete

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