Time..Give us more time...

So really this isnt what i originally planned to write, last nite as i was falling asleep i recall having a briliant idea but for the life of me I cant remember so heres what i got....ready?
We all complain that we dont have enuf time, "where does my time go?" yoiu say to yourslef as the clock strikes 12 am, and then before you know its two am and you will your self to go to sleep and you promise yourself that tom will be diff, I'll go to bed early tonight, you tell yourself as you pour your second cup of steaming coffee before 10am, kay maybe im exaggerating maybe not, i have a friend who regularly gets 4shots of expresso in her latte. so where does our time go?
Yea, we waste it, yea we use it, yea we enjoy some of it, but the question is are we aware of it? In my career development class, my teacher routinley asks us how we are doing, and its not a general question to the class with a bunch of half mumbled incoherent responses in return..no she picks on people to share how their day is, and she makes them think about it..why? cuz she wants us to be aware of ourselves and our feelings (yes, she is a therapist..) and yea its kinda corny and we get really annoyed, but the truth is - she's right.
HOw often do we stop ourselves and ask, "what am i doing, where am i going?" we just kinda of go through the motions of our life, through the motions of our yidishkeit without stopping to give it time, without stopping to think, maybe i need to reroute,maybe im lost and need to get directions.
Sometimes we need to pullover and give ourselves a few minutes, to catch our time. The truth is we always find time for what we think is really impt. Yes, we all think that sleep is crucial and that we need it, but do we really believe it? talk to people that NEED their sleep, they go to bed at a decent hour. Personally, as ya'll know, sleep isnt that much of factor in my life, yes i enjoy it, yes i knw that its important to my well being, but i belive that right now there are certain things that are more important to me, I'd rather stay up all night studying to ace my test then get my 8hours of beauty sleep.
I know that ill be tired, but thats a sacrifice that im willing to make, thats how I CHOOSE to spend my time. when we set aside time for something, we are saying that it matters, that it is important for us. when u set aside time to get your nails done, your saying that this is important to you. when you set aside a time to hang out with your friends, you are saying they are important to you...so when we are upset that our tefilla isnt what it should be, the first thing we need to think about is- am i setting aside enough time? is it taht important to me?
We all say that tefilla is a crucial part of my life, it defines my relationship with Hashem, its what connects me to HIm ,but how connected are we really, how committed are we really?
Rabbeinu YOna says:
Think in your heart that you are standing in heaven, remove from your heart all earthly delights anda all pleasures from your body. as the Kadmonin say 'remove your body from your soul.' after you have achieved this thought imagine that youi are here below, in the Holy Temple, so that your prayer finds favor in front of Hashem
Now that says commitment, doing that takes time, and if all we have is 15mins to daven then we arent really commiting are we, we spend teh time it takes to do our hair and our make up to look just the right amnt of "cute" but when it comes to daven all of a sudden everyday its "oh shoot, i only have 15mins i guess im rushing today" and then that becomes your routine.
we dont think abt it this way but at that point our commitment, our time is devoted to our looks, our appearance, the physical. and that is not who we are or what we what to be. yes we live in a physical world and yes we hvae to take care of oiur appearance but that doesnt mean that our spirituality should take teh back burner!

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