thinking...

Boker tov! its been a fast week..it flew by and now im sitting here thinkin..what to write about...well the first story that comes to mind happned this morning..maybe something..hopefully something will come out of it..so since the last time i overslept i have this huge fear of doing it again and i always set three alarms now in the mornings just in case cuz i do not want it to happen again...so this morning im sleeping peacefully..all of a sudden my phone rings! i freak out! like seriously my heart was racing..oh man its becky..i for sure overslept again...but i didnt hear my alarm..man i was in a panic! then as i reach over i see that its a call from israel ad its only 3am..BH! i cannot tell u how relieved i was..i was so sure that it had happened again and that this was it..becky was gonna fire me no more free membership..no more 6ams..i was an absolute mess for those three seconds that seem like an eternity..but then it passed i answered the phone and as anyone who has ever called me in the middle of the night or came to my room in sem in the middle of the night i am totally awake then i go right back to sleep...its like i was never asleep when i pick up and then BH like i never woke up when i go to sleep.

so something clicked as i was typing which is what i hoped for...yay!.so u wanna know what it was that clicked? well..it occured to me once while my mind was not where it shud be during davening how fast ur brain works..how fast ur neurons pass information making a million connections in a split second. imagine an all too familiar scene..ur davening...ur standing there all intent in making this the best shemona esrei EVER! and then u remember something that u learned about a certain phrase ( this is to help u concentrate right) but then before u know it ur thinking abt yiour teacher who taught you it..where u where..didnt she just have a baby u think..i wonder whens the bris..did it happen yet..whats with the mohel...is he in town..and before u know it you are at modim..how did that happen..one word triggerd one association which snowballed into a whole discourse in ur head...in seconds ur mind is zooming all over the places..what a koach!

(connection to my original story was taht i was having a zillion thoiughts abt the phone call before i picked it up in those few secs in case someone missed that)

Hashem has given us such a strength that can be used for so many things..this is the usual discourse can be used to help u get closer or further away from Hashem..the first application i thought of this strength is using it as a "dan l'kaf zechut" tool. people often say that its too hard..i dont have such an imaginatin to be able to excuse this or that...its too hard..but our brains are wired literally to make connections especially as woman we have the ability to use both sides of our brains simultaneously making millions upon millions of connectiosn in the blink of an eye..imagine if we utizlied that power to judge others favorably we do it for ourselves all the time why not give the same courtesy to others as well..its the polite thing to do..(u know here in the south we are very polite well mannered peeps)

another application taht occured to me is something taht i harp on all the time and i think is so crucial as a jew. we need to be able to see Hashem everwhere..be able to see Him talking to us all the time..im not talking about a messia disorder or a hallucination (for all u psyche majors) but about seeing all the in-between the lines..people always complain taht hey talk to G-d but He doesnt answer..the truth is that the answers are staring us right infront of us..we need to look and see the truth .,.we need to see the messsages thatHashem gives us..and they arent so clear and sometimes we need to think a bit deeper make a few more connections...u see a shirt with a message on it..for ex a while ago i saw a shirt on someone that said " the best is yet to come" as soon as i saw it i thought..is that a jewish concept- is it something that i agree with...and at that moment i really didt have the time to disect it out seeing as i needed to study..as usual..but i made a note of it on my ipod and then later discussed it with a friend..thought abt it..
when i was in israel i saw a guy wearing a shirt that said "live like no ones looking" my first instictve reaction was..thats a cool conceopt do things ur own way..dont live ur life according to the conforms of society..do ur own thing..(im a bit of a non-conformist) but then i stopped that thought in its tracks! what am i saying? how cud u live like no ones watching? that goes against everythning we stand for! Hashem is always watching! He is always there with us "shiviti Hashem lenagdi tamid" He is always wayching us..taking care of us! these thought processes dont take long..but they can have a lasting impact on us.. taking the time to think - the few secs that it takes can make ideas that we know more real to us..mor concrete..make a stronger foundation...yesterday i was talking to a friend and i expressed a dislike for something..she asked me why? and at the moment i was tryng to figuire out the calvin-bensen cycle..and im like..i dont know i just dont..at the moment i didnt have the time to think it thru but i just knew taht i didnt..now tho it seems that there is no rhyme and reason to our lieks and dislikes its probably just bcz we havent sat down and given it thought..and were we to sit own and think abt it we wud probably discover things about ourselves we didnt know..beliefs that we hold..hashkofos we have..and then once we have that concretized we can apply those beliefs and views to other parts of our lives..areas where we have doubts..questions..grey areas where we are not sure...

we spend so little time thinking..we live in a generation of being plugged in..next time ur walking around at school in the city..whatever..look around and see how many people have wires sticking outta their ear, outta their pockets, shirts, purses..wires everywehere..when was the last time u thought? for me its usually when i shud be concentrating on my tefilla..its the only absolute quiet time i have so then my brain wonders and then before u know it im thinking abt the mohel's daughters engagement..lol..its sad so i suggest..another time we arent plugged in is on shabbat and yom tov ..so then give urself sometime to space out..thats when we do our best thinking..so sit back and let ur mind do the walking..ull be discovering who u are before u know it
Warning: people may think that u are zoned out and will try to get u back by snapping in ur face or pourig water on ur straightened hair..so dont do this in public!

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