unexpect the expected
So i was doing some serious driving, and gotten directions from google maps to get there and of course got lost on the way anyways but finally thanx to the kind-hearted souls in the south i eventually made my way and on the way back of course i was in a bit of a predicament cuz after i had gallivanted all over town i was a bit not sure exactly how to make my way back, but that didn't stop me from driving along anyways and at the red light i motioned to the lady in the car next to me that i had a question and she proceeded to blatantly ignore me (really rude i know!) and then at the next light the lady's window was broken and couldn't roll it down so i continue on (still not knowing where i am going) and then finally, at the next light a normal looking guy with his window down nonetheless presented himself and asked him how to get the highway and he looked foncused at first he asked us where we were going, home, we replied he then told us to "follow me" so then i did what any logical person wud do..i followed a complete stranger in a absolute hicktown thru winding streets..BH we got to exactly where we needed to be it was then only 119 miles of highway between me and my house!
the obvious lesson is the amazing Hashgacha Pratis that was given, all those people had to not work out and all the green lights that didnt allow me to ask anyone made me really annoyed but they all had to be there to allow me to find the exact right person - the shliach that wud fastest lead me to my destination..k enuf with the obvious: underlying this is something deeper. why was i annoyed with the first peeps or lack thereof that i asked (or tried to at least) - i presumed not only that i should be able to ask whoever came my way, but that they wud be able to provide me with the guidance i needed - almost as if it was an entitlement. but really, had i thought about it - a) who says the people i asked should have answered (maybe the first lady didnt speak english) and b) does every randomer on four wheels know the way to the highway i needed? i was annoyed because my expectations were not met, but really they were presumptuous from the outset.
we seem to think that its all coming to us, and we are all excited when we have these cool stories, omg! it worked out sooo nicely, etc but who says that working out nicely is what its supposed to be like, why is it that only when things have a great ending that we share it. i recently read this story abt a Rebbe and his chassidim and all the chassidim had come in and were all sitting around telling stories about the great advice teh Rebbe had given them and what a great ending it had..then the last chassid was telling his story " the rebbe told me to buy this company and that i wud get great parnassah from it, and then it burned down, and i had no money to support my family and then i got a job as a bagger.." so nuu..the other chassdim asked what happend at the end? they were all expecting a nice fairytale ending, so he continued " nothing, i still have a hard time making ends meet every day is a challenge.." so whats the miracle they asked, the miracle he said is that i still am a chassid, that i still go to him for advice, and still accept everything he says.
this is what real emunah is..
emunah is when the story doesn't have a happy ending, it doesn't all work out in the end, and it seems that Hashem has "left us." whats the challenge in seeing Hashem during kriyas yam suf? whats the test when we see the Makot? or as in this parsha when the ground opens up and swallows those who are not of the right camp? thats not whats hard...thats not what is praise worthy..that is not emunah. emunah is seeing beyond the dark , seeing beyond the cloudy sky. its knowing that tho it seems hard there is someOne who directs events while hidden from our eyes. and it is our job to trust that He knows best. it is up to us to give our lives over completely to Him. to tell Him that we are giving Him the wheel and we are not going to back seat drive.
there are things in life that we take for granted, and i was just discussing whether its better to have expectations of the world or to just not have any and that way you'll save yourself the hurt and disappointment that is inevitable when u have expectations.
and we concluded that logically, looking at a it from a completely objective standpoint, it would make sense to have no expectations and just be surprised at whatever good happens and anything that doesn't happen according to plan..oh well u weren't expecting anything anyways..no harm no foul.
yet, as great in theory sounds it is far from reality. in order to have a relationship with anyone there has to be basic expectations that you both want the same thing out of the relationship. and the most basic of expectations that is far from simple is the expectation of trust. trusting anyone is a big deal. it is no laughing matter, nothing to be sneezed at. as humans are first instinct is to protect ourselves and when we trust another we are opening ourselves up..leaving ourselves at the mercy of the other. we are completely vulnerable when we trust another. and we chose to do this, for without this trust and without letting the other person in, one is living a secluded life devoid of any growth and companionship.
so we choose to trust, to expect, to allow ourselves the pain for we know that the gamble is worth it, the reward worth the danger of the consequence. and this of course applies to our relationship to AVINU SHE BASHAMAYIM. we expect things from Him; as our father we look to Him for certain things and assume that He will be there for us and that we can rely on Him. however, i believe that the most basic expectation is precisely the one that is missing in most people's relationship with Him. we don't trust, we don't have emunah. if we had complete trust in Hashem, if we had that expectation and lived with that expectation that we trust in Him fully and that is what lead our lives and was on the fore front of our minds then we could throw out any other expectations..cuz we trust Him to take care of us, and so if things don't go the way we expect, its fine cuz we EXPECT that G-d is watching over us and is protecting us..that is the only expectation we need to keep.
cuz otherwise, unexpect the expected and you'll have so much more gratitude for everything that comes your way, but remember that all relationships work two ways, we must trust Hashem but He has to be able to trust that you will always stay by Him. He has to trust that you will trust Him. That you will give Him the reins and allow Him to do His part and with that expectation..watch all the others fall away.
the obvious lesson is the amazing Hashgacha Pratis that was given, all those people had to not work out and all the green lights that didnt allow me to ask anyone made me really annoyed but they all had to be there to allow me to find the exact right person - the shliach that wud fastest lead me to my destination..k enuf with the obvious: underlying this is something deeper. why was i annoyed with the first peeps or lack thereof that i asked (or tried to at least) - i presumed not only that i should be able to ask whoever came my way, but that they wud be able to provide me with the guidance i needed - almost as if it was an entitlement. but really, had i thought about it - a) who says the people i asked should have answered (maybe the first lady didnt speak english) and b) does every randomer on four wheels know the way to the highway i needed? i was annoyed because my expectations were not met, but really they were presumptuous from the outset.
we seem to think that its all coming to us, and we are all excited when we have these cool stories, omg! it worked out sooo nicely, etc but who says that working out nicely is what its supposed to be like, why is it that only when things have a great ending that we share it. i recently read this story abt a Rebbe and his chassidim and all the chassidim had come in and were all sitting around telling stories about the great advice teh Rebbe had given them and what a great ending it had..then the last chassid was telling his story " the rebbe told me to buy this company and that i wud get great parnassah from it, and then it burned down, and i had no money to support my family and then i got a job as a bagger.." so nuu..the other chassdim asked what happend at the end? they were all expecting a nice fairytale ending, so he continued " nothing, i still have a hard time making ends meet every day is a challenge.." so whats the miracle they asked, the miracle he said is that i still am a chassid, that i still go to him for advice, and still accept everything he says.
this is what real emunah is..
emunah is when the story doesn't have a happy ending, it doesn't all work out in the end, and it seems that Hashem has "left us." whats the challenge in seeing Hashem during kriyas yam suf? whats the test when we see the Makot? or as in this parsha when the ground opens up and swallows those who are not of the right camp? thats not whats hard...thats not what is praise worthy..that is not emunah. emunah is seeing beyond the dark , seeing beyond the cloudy sky. its knowing that tho it seems hard there is someOne who directs events while hidden from our eyes. and it is our job to trust that He knows best. it is up to us to give our lives over completely to Him. to tell Him that we are giving Him the wheel and we are not going to back seat drive.
there are things in life that we take for granted, and i was just discussing whether its better to have expectations of the world or to just not have any and that way you'll save yourself the hurt and disappointment that is inevitable when u have expectations.
and we concluded that logically, looking at a it from a completely objective standpoint, it would make sense to have no expectations and just be surprised at whatever good happens and anything that doesn't happen according to plan..oh well u weren't expecting anything anyways..no harm no foul.
yet, as great in theory sounds it is far from reality. in order to have a relationship with anyone there has to be basic expectations that you both want the same thing out of the relationship. and the most basic of expectations that is far from simple is the expectation of trust. trusting anyone is a big deal. it is no laughing matter, nothing to be sneezed at. as humans are first instinct is to protect ourselves and when we trust another we are opening ourselves up..leaving ourselves at the mercy of the other. we are completely vulnerable when we trust another. and we chose to do this, for without this trust and without letting the other person in, one is living a secluded life devoid of any growth and companionship.
so we choose to trust, to expect, to allow ourselves the pain for we know that the gamble is worth it, the reward worth the danger of the consequence. and this of course applies to our relationship to AVINU SHE BASHAMAYIM. we expect things from Him; as our father we look to Him for certain things and assume that He will be there for us and that we can rely on Him. however, i believe that the most basic expectation is precisely the one that is missing in most people's relationship with Him. we don't trust, we don't have emunah. if we had complete trust in Hashem, if we had that expectation and lived with that expectation that we trust in Him fully and that is what lead our lives and was on the fore front of our minds then we could throw out any other expectations..cuz we trust Him to take care of us, and so if things don't go the way we expect, its fine cuz we EXPECT that G-d is watching over us and is protecting us..that is the only expectation we need to keep.
cuz otherwise, unexpect the expected and you'll have so much more gratitude for everything that comes your way, but remember that all relationships work two ways, we must trust Hashem but He has to be able to trust that you will always stay by Him. He has to trust that you will trust Him. That you will give Him the reins and allow Him to do His part and with that expectation..watch all the others fall away.
Great post!
ReplyDeleteOne point of discussion. I'm not sure if I agree that, "in order to have a relationship with anyone there has to be basic expectations that you both want the same thing out of the relationship."
I think when we enter any relationship, we enter with expectations and we can't help that, but often the other person doesn't know what your expectations are, so it's very important to discuss them. If a couple gets married and the woman comes in expecting her husband to buy her flowers every week for shabbos, but she doesn't tell him that, and he doesn't know, then that creates a problem.
Trust isn't something you expect, it's something you build. If you enter every relationship expecting that you can trust someone, you will get hurt because not everyone in the world is worthy of your trust. You have to enter cautiously and hoping that you can trust them- there's no reason not to trust them either- but you can't fully trust someone until you've built a relationship and have past experience to rely on.