the final hours..
we've all been taught from a very young age..teshuva is as easy as one, two, three..do teshuva everyday and more brachot will come your way..
we learn the three steps of teshuva
1)vidui-confession
2)azivat ha'chet-stopping from doing the aveirah
3) kabbala le'atid- making real steps towards making sure that this never happens again.
we also learn that real teshuva is when you are placed in the same place that you were initially, but this time you choose differently. You choose connection with Hashem over separation and disconnection.
This is a very easy concept to talk about and it is beautiful to bring in the circle of life (cue the lion king soundtrack). We go full circle when we reach the same place we started, this time making the right choice..but realistically how possible is this really? (we don't always get put in the same spot and if we do we are subject to fail as well..)
The first two steps of teshuva are relatively easy..I'm sorry Hashem, I really did not mean it, look how now during these ten days I'm being so holy..only cholov and pat yisrael..no TV, no movies..my davening is good (kinda)..
Yet, how many "kabala le'atid's" can we realistically expect from ourselves? and its not just that we do not want to put too much on ourselves and it is us being lazy..the gedolim tell us to only take a few steps.. just take baby steps in one area..bcz if we take on too much..then we are bound to fail
tefasta meruba lo tafasta- if we try to grab hold onto too much then not only do we end up with nothing..but we may end up worse than we started initially.
so where does this leave us..the list of things we need to do teshuva for is long and terrifying..we don't have to guess very hard if we are going to be put on the naughty or nice list if we do not do serious teshuva. Fast! But how can we do real teshuva..i can say I'm sorry all day long and say i wanna change but how many things are on my list to change..one..two..maybe three..and that is really ambitious....
so where does that leave me? where does that leave all the other things that i have to do...what happens to all my sins that are racking up against me..are they gonna haunt me forever? will i ever get finished with this eternal to do list?
the truth is no..we are never going to be finished. we are never gonna stop working, we are never meant to stop working.. man is created to work...and teshuva is an avoda she'belev.. it is an actual work! and this means that we will always be cracking our heads trying to get it better, to make corrections, we are always under construction, fixing and upgrading..
very nice, but what does that mean for this Yom Kippur when i stand before Hashem with my never ending list of confessions for all that i have done wrong and in conjunction with that i stand with another list albeit a much shorter one..the list stating the kabbalot that i have made to change myself...those small baby steps that show that i am really sorry and as much as id love to wave my magic wand and fix EVERYTHING at once..I'm merely human and can only do so much at a time.
Hashem knows what we are capable of, and He knows that as much as we say sorry..we are still gonna continue to make mistakes..but He still gives us the chance to prove ourselves because we are showing Him that this matters and we do care. So what happens to all the things we didn't correct?
That is the magic that is Yom Kippur..that is the magic of the 13 Middot of Hashem..that is the magic of fasting...this day is a huge mikveh for us..simply by living through the day and saying the teffilot we are cleansed..we are given a clean slate. The day itself is what is mechaper us where we have fallen short in terms of complete teshuva...
so in these final hours before this literally awesome day..we must take stock of ourselves, our actions and who it is that we want to be..and what it is that we are doing to achieve this and work as hard as we can to rectify our past..but come Friday night..come Kol Nidre..we are being immersed in the mikveh..we are being wrapped in Hashem's tallit and in His mercy..may all our sins be wiped away as we start the new year fresh and clean..
we learn the three steps of teshuva
1)vidui-confession
2)azivat ha'chet-stopping from doing the aveirah
3) kabbala le'atid- making real steps towards making sure that this never happens again.
we also learn that real teshuva is when you are placed in the same place that you were initially, but this time you choose differently. You choose connection with Hashem over separation and disconnection.
This is a very easy concept to talk about and it is beautiful to bring in the circle of life (cue the lion king soundtrack). We go full circle when we reach the same place we started, this time making the right choice..but realistically how possible is this really? (we don't always get put in the same spot and if we do we are subject to fail as well..)
The first two steps of teshuva are relatively easy..I'm sorry Hashem, I really did not mean it, look how now during these ten days I'm being so holy..only cholov and pat yisrael..no TV, no movies..my davening is good (kinda)..
Yet, how many "kabala le'atid's" can we realistically expect from ourselves? and its not just that we do not want to put too much on ourselves and it is us being lazy..the gedolim tell us to only take a few steps.. just take baby steps in one area..bcz if we take on too much..then we are bound to fail
tefasta meruba lo tafasta- if we try to grab hold onto too much then not only do we end up with nothing..but we may end up worse than we started initially.
so where does this leave us..the list of things we need to do teshuva for is long and terrifying..we don't have to guess very hard if we are going to be put on the naughty or nice list if we do not do serious teshuva. Fast! But how can we do real teshuva..i can say I'm sorry all day long and say i wanna change but how many things are on my list to change..one..two..maybe three..and that is really ambitious....
so where does that leave me? where does that leave all the other things that i have to do...what happens to all my sins that are racking up against me..are they gonna haunt me forever? will i ever get finished with this eternal to do list?
the truth is no..we are never going to be finished. we are never gonna stop working, we are never meant to stop working.. man is created to work...and teshuva is an avoda she'belev.. it is an actual work! and this means that we will always be cracking our heads trying to get it better, to make corrections, we are always under construction, fixing and upgrading..
very nice, but what does that mean for this Yom Kippur when i stand before Hashem with my never ending list of confessions for all that i have done wrong and in conjunction with that i stand with another list albeit a much shorter one..the list stating the kabbalot that i have made to change myself...those small baby steps that show that i am really sorry and as much as id love to wave my magic wand and fix EVERYTHING at once..I'm merely human and can only do so much at a time.
Hashem knows what we are capable of, and He knows that as much as we say sorry..we are still gonna continue to make mistakes..but He still gives us the chance to prove ourselves because we are showing Him that this matters and we do care. So what happens to all the things we didn't correct?
That is the magic that is Yom Kippur..that is the magic of the 13 Middot of Hashem..that is the magic of fasting...this day is a huge mikveh for us..simply by living through the day and saying the teffilot we are cleansed..we are given a clean slate. The day itself is what is mechaper us where we have fallen short in terms of complete teshuva...
so in these final hours before this literally awesome day..we must take stock of ourselves, our actions and who it is that we want to be..and what it is that we are doing to achieve this and work as hard as we can to rectify our past..but come Friday night..come Kol Nidre..we are being immersed in the mikveh..we are being wrapped in Hashem's tallit and in His mercy..may all our sins be wiped away as we start the new year fresh and clean..
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