Fear of the Unknown

They say we fear the unknown
For me it's different
They say ignorance is bliss
How can you fear something you don't know?
That's how it is with me
I was never scared of getting a ticket no matter how much and how often I sped. Up until I got my ticket-now just the sight of a cop car puts me into tachycardia. Even if I know I'm not doing anything wrong.

I never feared failure. I had never failed. I always excelled-without even trying. Whatever I did- I did well without breaking a sweat.Till now.

For the first time in my life I have stared failure in the eye and I am scared witless.

The thought of failure is petrifying. Last semester when a few of my friends failed out of the program I was sympathetic, but it never occurred to me that  if I didn't try harder, if I didn't really apply myself fully that might be.

Now I see that I was deceiving myself. I was foolishly content and oblivious.

We all have different things that motivate us. Finding motivation for studying is really hard sometimes when you are in bed, cozy and warm and your alarm clock goes off  at 5:45 am telling you to wake up and study. There is no one waiting for you, no one taking Attendance in your living room. Just you, your highlighters and a big steaming cup of coffee.

But this week, I had no issues getting up. No problem jumping out of my warm bed, studying all day, feeling surprisingly awake despite the precious few hours of sleep.

It was motivation at it's highest capacity. I was scared and I was determined not to let the unthinkable happen.

I never saw fear as a motivation. But it seems that a healthy dose of fear is good every now and then.