more ramblings

 There is a country song that often flits through my brain 

" when was the last time you did something for the first time" 

This year I did a few things. I took and failed miserably at motorcycle lessons, I am now traveling solo and yesterday I did something i have been terrified and exhilarated by- I took surfing lessons. Now surfing has been something that I have wanted, in theory , to do for years. However, I have pushed off all week going for lessons even though the main reason for being in this town was to learn to surf.  When he was giving me the practical lesson yesterday and was listing all the ways I could die...I had my oh shit moment of - maybe this isnt the best idea...but i powered through. 

The lesson was humiliating. My instructor was the nicest. But there is something about learning new things as an adult. I have a really hard time doing things that I am not good at. I got frustrated to the point of tears when I took my motorcycle lessons. Yesterday, I almost gave up, but I managed to push through and just kept getting back on and kept swallowing my pride along with liters of salt water. 

I am not sure what I am trying to get out of this solo trip and it has been exhausting moving every few days. But, I think its good for me. Honestly, most days it does not feel that different from my life in NY. I had to learn how to be alone and I think that for better or for worse I have gotten pretty good at it. I also have just given up/ no longer feel the need to have company for the sake of company. I no longer feel the need to be social just to be social. 

Today is travel day again. Excited to hit the road again Gd bless spotify and AC.