Tis the Season

The root of the word "ahavah" is "hav" which means to give. This is a well known point that is brought up and every sheva brachot. Loving someone comes from giving..and if you do not love someone yet but want to feel love for her/him..start giving and don't stop..just keep giving your time, effort as well as your tefiilot and soon you will feel attached to this person in a way that is immeasurable.

There are many kinds of love. there's romantic love... friendship love...parental love. They all have different ramifications but there is the one thread that connects them all..they all develop from giving (well maybe not puppy love but that is more infatuation that actual real lasting love...) 
So we have established that love is about giving. R'Krohn has this amazing line that marriage is not about finding the perfect partner it is about being the perfect partner. I feel that the same wisdom and philosophies that are usually directed at marriage can be applied to any relationship. 

In any relationship, there is a constant give and take. It is fluid and moving..never frozen. I have needs, you have needs..we both try to give to each other in the best way that we can. ( I have previously written extensively on friendship check it out here) No one is a mind reader..so sometimes we have to ask our friend/spouse for the things that we need. They would love to give it to you..if they only knew. Hence, the importance of communication in any relationship. Without communication their is failure. 

But what happens if what you want,  the other cannot give? What if they do not have what you want? Is there a point in asking for it? Should you ask for it? What if it is something that they do have..but it is extremely difficult for them to do what you want/need? You know that if you tell the other that you NEED it and that you feel unloved and lonely without it that he/she will do what it takes even if it means doing something they are uncomfortable with. and you do not want to put the other in a distressing situation because you love them and do not want them to be even in the slightest way unhappy? 

So where is the line, at what point do you put away your own needs to make others comfortable? To make the one you love happy..how much of your own (for lack of better word) needs can you put on the back burner?

Comments

  1. AnonymousFebruary 11, 2011 at 10:54 AM

    Re. friendship love; I read a great line, A good friend will bail you out of jail, a best friend will be in the next cell laughing about the great time you had.
    I dont think there is a 'line' where you say that you have to go until there. It depends on both people. There are some people that I would do anything for, and I know would do the same for me. there are people whom i quite literally have placed my life in their hands. It is something which is fully dependent on the 'neediness' of both 'partners'.

    Life On A Cotton Ball: Classic Corrections

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  2. aminspirationFebruary 11, 2011 at 12:59 PM

    I've heard that quote before also...it is funny..

    it is true..it does all depend but what i was wondering was is there a breaking point ever?

    ReplyDelete

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