AM Inspiration

" He can tell you where to dig and what to dig for but the digging you must do for yourself " I always loved this line from Matisyahu's song We spend a lot of our lives lost not sure where we are going what we are doing..well I can only talk for myself..I am often unsure about my path my direction my life. Where am I going what am i doing..why am I here..how can I possibly contribute to the world...how can I make a difference? I often think about the concept of Kedusha..what is it? Is it possible for me in 2013 living in a world that gets cruder, crasser, and more delinquent with every passing moment...with all that is Kedusha even on my radar? Is it even possible? The word Kedusha in itself is a bit of a contradiction. The literal translation of the word means to separate. Yet under the chupa the chatan says to his Kalla " את מקודשת לי״ you are " kadosh" to me - you are separate to me. The moment of ultimate connection is delineated by separation. Through ...

This post isn't particularly inspirational. Sorry. My life has turned into a special kind of hell designed specifically for me. I am basically repeating the last two years of my life. Sitting through some of these inane lectures were sheer torture the first time around..the second time around i am infinity more cynical and every minute is cruel and unusual punishment and should be illegal in accordance with the Constitution. Yes I am venting. Yes I know that this is the  best thing for me, but as my friend so eloquently put it today..just because you know that its the best for you it doesn't make it any easier. I have no doubt that it will get challenging again. I have no doubt that I will soon be looking fondly upon these days of plenty...but for now I am just annoyed and bored. I should be using this time to get a head start on the hard stuff and I am..but today is a gorgeous day..and i spent a good portion of it in a classroom with 70 other people in a room with no air...

As  I was titling my last entry "all over again"  it occurred to me how repetitive life really is. We (hopefully) get up every morning. We brush our teeth, wash our face, wash our hands. We pray. Grab our coffee and maybe breakfast. Its the same thing over and over and over again. Year after year. The same holidays. The same prayers. The same rituals. Its all the same. Nothing really changes. Maybe one day you will mix it up and have beef instead of chicken. Watch out world.. Its all the same. There are the few individuals you really do change their lives. They turn themselves around. Some of them dwell among us in the blogosphere. But these people are few and far in between. I had in teacher in Israel who would say that until you make the conscious decision to be more than mediocre...that is exactly what we will be-mediocre. Status Quot. Change is hard work. To say the least. It doesn't happen naturally. An object at rest stays at rest. So somehow we always end u...

Today was my first day back. Orientation for PA school again. Sitting with fresh faces all excited to start on this amazing adventure that will allow us to help people in the best way possible. and then there is me. sitting there all cynical. Cant wait for this to end. Its been a rush of emotions. I have been dreading sitting in the same desk, listening to the same professors, but at the same time so sure that this is so bashert and so sure that this is what I am supposed to be doing. The emotions i have been going through the past few weeks are hard to describe. I was doing summer camp doing what i love with the cutest kids of all time - having an absolute blast but the whole time thinking how in a few short days i will be back in the classroom to do take 2 of PA school. Rosh Hashana is a few short weeks away. Elul is a time of contemplation and inner work. The common theme of all the shiurim that I have been listening to recently is the importance of talking to G-d; having a re...

These days are hard. Physically difficult. There are many restrictions on what we can and cannot do. It is a dark time. A dangerous time. Emotionally difficult. We are supposed to be in mourning for something we never had, a life we never experienced. For me, and for most people I know T'Sha B'av is really hard. We feel like we cannot relate. I feel like I cannot relate. But if you think about the root of the day, its not too hard to connect. Its a day mourning destruction. It is a day mourning the loss of relationship. G-d is in galut- He is in exile. His Shechina has no home. His children have lost their way. We are so confused and so lost we don't know which way is up, cant tell right from wrong. We are estranged from our Father and that loss of relationship is what we are mourning more than anything else. We have all experienced estrangement, We have all experienced heartache and the pain that comes from a dissolved or distanced relationship. This is not foreign t...

i was sitting outside watching the rain..thinking how much i would love to just take off and take a stroll right in the middle of the storm. there is just something magical and simply wonderful about walking barefoot bareheaded in the rain. No one is walking slow enough to see your face. It is just you, your thoughts, the droplets washing away any shred of negativity you could possibly have. i was thinking about the dichotomy of our lives-the dissonance which maintains residence in our thoughts. mine anyways. I'm often struck by enormity of the world. The universe. The worlds beyond our own. The space we occupy is so minuscule, the word minuscule seems generous. There were worlds before ours. There are galaxies that we have yet to discover. The complexities of our own planet still baffle the brightest human minds. the world is FREAKIN HUGE! and that must mean, that   its Creator must be all that much bigger. He is running and orchestrating it all. But then I also have learned...

Another fast day..come and almost gone Fast days are always hard because I am never sure what I am supposed to be doing. I am supposed to be using the fasting as a way to spiritually elevate yourself. I am supposed to be sad. But mostly i feel lost. Today..I have an awful headache. But do i feel spiritual? Do I feel closer to G-d? No. Mostly feel like an epic fail. I can listen to shiurim. I can choose not to listen to music... But still the day is lost on me. Another 11 minutes.. I am supposed to grow through the day not go through the day.. I wish i could